polinom00 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Bloomfree, aum and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Plowed - Sponge That window Color Tho Remix That ! Karlston and Bloomfree 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 Karlston and Bloomfree 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 Karlston, TrojanK, polinom00 and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?" Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 “The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.” Karlston, TrojanK, leapinlizards and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 vitorio 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 How can a man go eight days without sleeping? Easily, he sleeps at night. Bloomfree and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop." Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, OK." So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off. Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally he remembers, "Amen!!" The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God." Karlston, leapinlizards and TrojanK 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you." Karlston and Bloomfree 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 aum, Karlston and xkryptonx 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 Spoiler (Hotel California lyrics) Jogs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 jbleck and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum. "I can't be sure what's wrong with you," the doctor said. "I think it's the drinking." "Okay," the patient said. "Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?" Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 A driver tucked a note under the windshield wiper of his automobile saying, "I've circled this block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park in this no-parking zone I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses." When he came back, he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled this block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 That's using your noodle... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. 'This,' he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it.' A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, 'Where is my father?' There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: 'Fishing off Florida.' The smart-aleck laughed, 'Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.' The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, 'Where is my mother's husband?' Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.' Jogs and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 Power off on Your Modem With Dave Matthews Band - Crash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 TrojanK, Bloomfree and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 (edited) ESET iz tu Hide fir Tnod Momma & Edited February 8, 2020 by Dce3480 O rly? :troll: Karlston and aum 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Dce3480 said: It was the weather Momma & Woman power! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 John: "My grandpa is 98 years old, and he doesn't even use glasses." Jack: "Wow, that is incredible!" John: "Yep, he drinks straight from the bottle." TrojanK, PLASMA and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 aum and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 A lady sitting in first class saw the cockpit door open, she was incredulous to see that the pilot was reading. Very concerned, she asked a flight attendant, "Miss, why is the pilot reading? Isn't he supposed to be flying?" The woman fainted when the flight attendant said, "Oh well, he's just studying for his pilot license." TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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