aum Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The doctor asks, "So what seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason at all. It's starting to scare me." The Doctor tells her, "I think I have just the cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish, and swish, but don't swallow it until he leaves the room or decides to go to bed." Two weeks later, the woman returns, looking fresh and reborn. The woman says, "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started to lose it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?!" The Doctor informs her, "The water itself does nothing. It's having to keep your mouth shut that does the trick." Karlston and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was under the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going at snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seat belt. TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 A cat is cat...even in statue form polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 It's okay honey, I found my glasses. TrojanK and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 When a woman wears leather clothing A man's heart beats quicker His throat gets dry He goes week in the knees And he begins to think irrationally Ever wonder why? Because she smells like a new truck!!! 123m.m, Karlston and polinom00 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 8, 2020 Share Posted January 8, 2020 Aeracier and polinom00 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Karlston and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide togo to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!" polinom00 and 123m.m 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 the council shall decide your fate Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 JimmyQ, Karlston and haris_sane69 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 The devil meets him at the gate and says, "Alright, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started." The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on." The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on." The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee." The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big deal? After about 10 minutes a voice comes over the loud speaker saying, "Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!" Karlston, leapinlizards and TrojanK 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 jbleck, TrojanK, polinom00 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Come and get yO garfeild 2000 onn Karlston and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 Plan B activated Karlston and jbleck 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 (edited) A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon "quickie." "Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't trust me!" Edited January 12, 2020 by aum TrojanK 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!" TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Pickpocket (visiting friend in jail): "I hired a lawyer for you this morning, Slim, but I had to hand him my Rolex as a retainer." Slim: "Did he keep it?" Pickpocket: "He thinks he did." Karlston, leapinlizards and polinom00 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope." As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog." leapinlizards, Karlston, Pequi and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Karlston, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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