aum Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Mr. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While he is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. He is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels and use them to replace the missing ones? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Mr. Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid." haris_sane69, Abacaxi and Karlston 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 I bought a U2 GPS. It's garbage. Spoiler The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for. flash13 and leapinlizards 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 MICROSOFT JOKE : Q: How did Microsoft break Volkswagen's world record? A: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs! Radpop, leapinlizards and Karlston 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Abacaxi and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant.. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!" "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them." "What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously. "Yes. That's how we won the case." "I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) Computers are like air conditioners. They stop work properly if you open Windows. Edited February 14, 2020 by Abacaxi Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Pronounced mibble-zick, I think. jbleck, Akaneharuka and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 TrojanK, flash13, Karlston and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother? Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 Radpop, Karlston and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 haris_sane69 and H Hayat 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Still funny in 2020 FFF! H Hayat and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Karlston, TrojanK, jbleck and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H Hayat Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 aum 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 When is Venom 2 released in cinemas? While it’s not been officially confirmed yet, it seems fairly likely that the Venom sequel will be released on October 2nd 2020. & Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!" Karlston and H Hayat 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall." leapinlizards and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 leapinlizards, haris_sane69, aum and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?' Woman: 'Four.' Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?' Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.' Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?' Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.' leapinlizards, Karlston and TrojanK 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 ❤️ & aum 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Karlston and Radpop 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 Surprise Mother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) & + U Mad? No RU!? Goodtools References We Good! Because they maid me that way Edited February 19, 2020 by Dce3480 On the 4th of November in Ren 2005 Karlston and haris_sane69 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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