Karlston Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 Pequi, polinom00 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 He can only be seen at night Karlston, Pequi, jbleck and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 polinom00, TrojanK and jbleck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Seeing her friend Marcia wearing a new locket, Ashley asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. “Yes,” says Marcia, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive?” “I know, but his hair is gone.” leapinlizards and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now." Karlston and leapinlizards 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 "Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months." Karlston, jbleck, polinom00 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 A woman came home early from work one day and found her husband in bed with a young and attractive woman. The woman yelled at her husband in anger: “You slimy disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me!? I’m the mother of your children, and I’ve been faithful to you all these years! I want a divorce now!” The husband answered: “Wait a second my love, let me at least explain what happened.” “All right, let’s hear what you have to say for yourself,” answered the wife waiting to see just how her husband would try to talk his way out of this one, “but these are your last words.” Her husband started recalling: “today when I left work and got in my car to head home and this woman asked me for a ride.” “I noticed that she was very skinny and wearing worn out clothes covered in muck and mud. She told me she hadn’t eaten in three days.” “She looked worse for wear so I took pity on her and let her into the car.” “In my mercy for her, instead of taking her straight to where she needed to go, I brought her home first and warmed her up a plate of goulash, the same plate I made for you last night which you didn’t eat claiming you’d ‘get fat’.” “She devoured it in seconds.” “Since she needed to get clean, I offered to let her use our shower.” “While she showered, I noticed that her clothes were very dirty and worn, so I threw them out. She needed new clothes so I brought her the old jeans you no longer wear because they’re ‘too tight’.” “I also gave her some underwear I bought you that you didn’t wear because ‘I don’t have good taste in clothes’.” “I found the shirt my mom bought you for Christmas that you didn’t wear to ‘piss her off’. And I gave her the high heels you only wore once because ‘someone at work had the same pair’.” The husband took a deep breath and continued… “She was so grateful for my understanding and help. When I walked her to the door she turned around with tears in her eyes and asked…” “You’re such a great person! Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?” Pequi and leapinlizards 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Karlston, Pequi, aum and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio. " Karlston and leapinlizards 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Little Johnny: That knife-throwing act was terrible. I want my money back. Carnival Owner: What was the matter with it? Little Johnny: Call that a knife thrower? He got ten chances and he didn’t even hit that girl once! Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 polinom00 and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Webs spiders weave when high on different drugs aum 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 An old man went to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. “You’re in excellent shape for a 75-year-old man,” he said. “But I’m afraid I can’t make you any younger.” “Who asked you to make me younger?” the man replied. “You just make sure I keep getting older!” Karlston and jbleck 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 There was a little boy in kindergarten. At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found him crying, so she asked him what was wrong. He sobbed, "I can't find my boots." The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. "Are these yours?" "No, they're not mine," said the little boy, shaking his head. The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots. Finally, the teacher gave up, "Are you SURE those boots are not yours?" "I'm sure," the boy sobbed, "mine had snow on them." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?" Karlston and leapinlizards 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 aum and leapinlizards 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 .... And that's how a motorcycle is born Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 For me too poop on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 A funeral procession made its way down the road. Six close members of the family were carrying the coffin between them. On top of the coffin was a fishing line, a net, and some bait. A passer-by remarked: "He must've been a very keen fisherman." "Oh, he still is," remarked another "He's off to the river as soon as they've buried his wife." Karlston, jbleck, TrojanK and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?" Pequi and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her. He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes. On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan. The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me? Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you? The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife's beauty. The young man discretely pulled out five dollars and gave it to the pastor. Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point the veil is lifted from the brides face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the pastor interrupts and promptly hand the groom four dollars and fifty cents. Pequi, Karlston and andy2004 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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