polinom00 Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 If Disney was realistic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. The reluctant chauffeur pulled over along the roadside, climbed into the back of the limo, and the Pope took the wheel.The Pope then merged onto the highway and accelerated to over 90 mph to see what the limo could do. Suddenly, the Pope noticed the blue light of the State Patrol in his side mirror, so he pulled over. The trooper approached the limo, peered in through the windows, then said, "Just a moment please, I need to call in." The trooper called in and explained to the chief that he had a very important person pulled over for speeding. "How do I handle this, chief?"asked the trooper. "Is it the Governor?" questioned the chief. "No! This guy is even more important!" "Is it the President?" asked the chief. "No! Even more important!" "Well, who the heck is it?" screamed the chief. "I don't know, sir," replied the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur." jbleck and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something." Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Karlston and haris_sane69 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Ok watch strange days "1995" Then watch som 2 chainz Video..! haris_sane69 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Biggest Lie In The History Of The World Karlston and haris_sane69 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 aum, jbleck and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Hospital rules require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. Spoiler "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." aum, leapinlizards, rushdie and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 O rly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 rushdie, Karlston and haris_sane69 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrishKing Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Bratt isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Bratt says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Bratt says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Bratt asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Bratt says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!😝" andy2004 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Karlston and rushdie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "*Yours* is." Karlston, haris_sane69 and rushdie 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" "Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!" Karlston and rushdie 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets at the target 50m away. Then the supervisors check the target and see that there's not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed completely. So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. Then he put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger. When he saw it he shouted back "I don't know, it's working perfectly here, the problem must be yours..." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Garfield Arcamax You know u wan It Karlston and flash13 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth". Reflecting, the man says "I'll take the wisdom". "Wisdom is yours" says the angel, disappearing in another puff. Spoiler The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks "I should have taken the money!!" rushdie, aum, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PLASMA Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Who wants a ride....? phen0men4 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 Karlston and jbleck 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 look at me I'm Funny! flash13 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 haris_sane69, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrishKing Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" cosy and rushdie 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrishKing Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left but did not return that day. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber Looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy left and again, did not return that day. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.' The guy left. The barber turned to his friend Tony and said, 'Hey, Tony, do me a favor. Follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back later. A little while later, Tony returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves from here?' Tony looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!!..😝 aum, Karlston, rushdie and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy obliges and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the same guy driving around with the truck full of penguins again. This time, though, all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. The police officer pulls the guy over and says, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?" The guy replies, "I did, and today I'm taking them to the beach." jbleck, Karlston, Abacaxi and 1 other 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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