pc71520 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 What does a Baby-Computer call his Father? Data! Karlston, ducky88, aum and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it and told it to "go to hell." Twenty minutes later, it brought me in front of my mother-in-law’s house. funkyy, flash13, Karlston and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 I don’t know, can they? aum, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife decided to go to counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on she went…neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down, as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?” “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I golf.” Karlston, aum and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 6, 2022 Share Posted October 6, 2022 Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 20 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire. aum, funkyy, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? He was shocked! ducky88, aum, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer. Karlston, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall." funkyy, flash13, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 7, 2022 Share Posted October 7, 2022 Sorry for the sad post ducky88, flash13, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law. Karlston, ducky88, TrojanK and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter? All he would catch was jellyfish! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight beautiful,' ...and he sat up all night watching me." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned: "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman!" Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 How do Robots eat Guacamole? With Computer Chips. Karlston, funkyy, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 How my brother bags up his trash… funkyy, TrojanK, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 8, 2022 Share Posted October 8, 2022 Found in a portable toilet on a jobsite I delivered to aum, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner is on me. aum, funkyy, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 There once was a king who was only 12 inches tall. Terrible king, but made a great ruler. aum, funkyy, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 9, 2022 Share Posted October 9, 2022 TrojanK, aum, Disco Bob and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as “Luvs”, “Huggies ‘” and “Pampers”, while undergarments for old people are called “Depends”. Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Love’em, Hug’em, and Pamper’em. When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who is in the will! TrojanK, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 "Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera." TrojanK, aum, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 "A-A-R-P, I wanna join the A-A-R-P..." "Hey Joe, what's that you're singing?" "I'm one of the Retirement Village People, and I'm practicing for our upcoming concert!" ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 Sex before marriage is considered a sin. Sex after marriage is considered a miracle! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I waited until I heard the bed springs squeaking in my folk's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.", replied the little friend. Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bed springs squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his folk's bedroom. "What do you want!", asked the father gruffly. "I want a watch!", said Johnny. "Well sit down and shut up" replied the father. TrojanK and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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