aum Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 (edited) What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. Edited October 21, 2022 by aum Lexionline, Radpop and ducky88 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 20, 2022 Share Posted October 20, 2022 Well that’s a bit extreme ducky88, funkyy and Disco Bob 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 The English hobo had been hopping on trains for three days. Arrived at this quaint village and decided to stop for a bite. Stopped in front of "GEORGE AND THE DRAGON", a pub that had just closed for the afternoon. He knocked at the door and a barmaid opened. "Luv, I've been on the road, have no money and haven't eaten for three days. Could you spare...." "You useless bum!! GET LOST" and slammed the door in the hobo's face. Undaunted, he knocks again and before the barmaid could say anything.. "I'd like a word with George, please". aum, Karlston, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 Where do Pirates get their Hooks? Second-Hand Stores. ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 21, 2022 Share Posted October 21, 2022 funkyy, pc71520, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it. ducky88, Karlston and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, If cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone! Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for our anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John. Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Been travelling alone for work for a month now. Not sure if I'm peak living or hit rock bottom.. ducky88, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 22, 2022 Share Posted October 22, 2022 Found this for sale on Facebook marketplace. ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 Procrastination is totally a good thing. You always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today. aum, Karlston and pc71520 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 What do you call the Security Guards outside of Samsung? The Guardians of the Galaxy. funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 I told my wife that there is only one thing that scares me on Halloween. My wife: Which is? Me: Exactly! ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans. aum, Karlston, Lexionline and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 My cousin Jimmy was having a terrible time falling asleep unless he was lying on a pile of old magazines. It turns out he had back issues. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order". The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded. The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers". The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why. The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable". vitorio, Karlston and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died. First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony. I found the guy hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the jerk. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refrigerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself." St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside. Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me." St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man. Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator." ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 Chuck was always shy with girls. One evening, he got his best friend, Bob, to go with him to a singles bar. Bob, being very experienced, was supposed to help Chuck in his quest for female companionship, and sexual companionship. One sweet young thing in the room noticed Chuck, thought he was cute, and decided to make contact with him. Since she was a little shy, she could not just go up to him, but had to use gestures. "Bob," Chuck said. "That girl over there is giving me the eye. What should I do?" "Give her the eye back," replied Bob. So Chuck, as best as he could, gave her the eye. A few moments passed. "Bob," said Chuck, now getting rather excited. "She's smiling at me. What do I do?" "Smile back," was the reply. So Chuck, trying to appear cool and calm, smiled back. A few more moments passed. "Bob!" exclaimed Chuck. "She bent over and showed me her tits. Now what do I do?" "Show her your nuts," Bob calmly replied. So Chuck turned toward the girl, stuck his thumbs in his ears, and waving his fingers stuck out his tongue, and wiggling it, exclaimed, "Bluble, bluble, bluble!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So, his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." aum, Karlston, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how’s it going?" She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I’ll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn’t matter." He says, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What law firm are you with?" Karlston, Archimede, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 A traveling salesman goes to a farm house. The farmer goes, I could put you up for one night, but you'll have to stay in the barn. So he spends the night there and the next morning the farmer comes in, he goes, Were you comfortable? He goes, I had a great time; I talked to all the animals. He goes, You talked to the animals? He goes, Yeah I spoke to the chickens, they say you collect the eggs every morning exactly at five minutes after six. He goes, That's exactly right. He says, The horse tells me his name is Otis, you've owned him for 10 years. He goes, That's incredible. And he goes, I spoke to the cow, the cow says that her name is Elsie and you milk her every morning at exactly 8:30. And then I spoke to the sheep. And the farmer goes, Those sheep are lying. funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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