aum Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him." Pequi, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 One of the fastest ways to meet god! Karlston, Aeracier, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Not sure if scared of corona virus or aliens (≖_≖ ) Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Priceless..! Karlston and Reefa 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morfeus18 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Karlston, jbleck, Reefa and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 A fifth grader class was on an educational field trip. As they rode along in the school bus, the teacher noticed that one boy was lying facedown in the aisle of the bus with his hands over his eyes. “Why are you lying in the aisle like that?” “Well,” said the boy, “if you don’t see anything, you don’t have to write anything.” Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!" jbleck, xkryptonx, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 polinom00 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Wait what??? Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Corona Virus Karlston and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him." Edited January 31, 2020 by aum jbleck and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth." There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I wonder where did he get his mask. TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 xkryptonx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morfeus18 Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 TrojanK, xkryptonx, jbleck and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? * Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round. TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently. “Good!” I exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.” “Great!” she replied. “I’ll ride with you.” Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) Woman: Do you love me? Man: Yes, dear. Woman: Would you die for me? Man: No... mine is an undying love. Edited February 2, 2020 by aum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 You can sit here if you want to Fasten your Seat belt Dorthy because Kansas State is going Bye Bye in the sweet sixteen aum and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Israeli_Eagle Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Karlston and vitorio 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Bloomfree, aum, polinom00 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." Jogs, black1, TrojanK and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.' The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.' The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card and said, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anywhere I want. See this card? I will go wherever I wish.' So the old farmer went about his chores.It wasn't too much later when the farmer heard loud screams and yelling. He looked over and saw several Highway Department employees running for their lives and right behind was the farmer's huge prize bull. The bull was madder than a hornet's nest and was gaining on the Highway employees at every step. The old farmer yelled out, 'Show him your card, Smart Ass.... Show him your card! leapinlizards, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!" "That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts. "That's a lion!" answered a little boy. "Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?" Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!" xkryptonx, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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