aum Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Bessie?" Bessie looks him over. "Nope." Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Bessie, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks again. "Nope." Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different?" Bessie looks up and down and says, "Sam, what's different? It was hanging down yesterday, it's hanging down today and it will be hanging down tomorrow!" Furious, Sam yells, "And do you know why its hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!" Bessie replies, "Should've bought a hat, Sam!" Matrix, cosy, Karlston and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 18, 2019 Share Posted December 18, 2019 Matrix and polinom00 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 TrojanK and Matrix 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted December 19, 2019 Share Posted December 19, 2019 Meanwhile in Australia aum, vitorio, Karlston and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 Two Scientists were working late discussing ideas about behavior modification studies. "We've started something new at my lab," said the first scientist. "For some of our more dangerous experiments, we're now using lawyers". "Lawyers?" asks the second scientist. "Why aren't you using rats?" "Well you know how it is," the first scientist replies. "You can get attached to rats." Karlston and polinom00 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 Don't Play Alice in Chains - Rooster To this comic Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!" Karlston and leapinlizards 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 Karlston and vitorio 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 21, 2019 Share Posted December 21, 2019 leapinlizards, polinom00 and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 I used to eat a lot of natural foods ... ... until I learned that most people die of natural causes. leapinlizards, Karlston and polinom00 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 22, 2019 Share Posted December 22, 2019 jbleck and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 The difference between Moms and Dads aum, jbleck, vitorio and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 2 hours ago, Karlston said: Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Padraig remarked to a fellow club member, "I'm not going to play golf with Jim Lawler anymore. He cheats." "Why do you say that?" asked his friend. "Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green," replied Padraig indignantly. "That's entirely possible," commented his friend. "Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket," retorted Padraig with finality. Karlston and leapinlizards 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" jbleck, Karlston, polinom00 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 leapinlizards and polinom00 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Just Laugh..! Johansson..! Karlston, leapinlizards and aum 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 cosy and polinom00 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 PLASMA 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leapinlizards Posted December 25, 2019 Share Posted December 25, 2019 @Dce3480 good barender lol ,, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted December 25, 2019 Share Posted December 25, 2019 Because Jesus has a The Rough Collie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 25, 2019 Share Posted December 25, 2019 A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" "You bet it does." "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it." "Well, okay." After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?" "You're the sixth," he said. leapinlizards and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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