Karlston Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals. She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables." Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 I grilled a chicken for two hours. It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road. ducky88, Karlston, Adenman and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.” So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “do you have any rye bread?” She said, “yes, would you like some?” The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.” She said, “my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.” The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this! ducky88, funkyy, vitorio and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Husband and wife went to see a marriage Councillor. After he had listened to a twenty minute tirade about how bad a husband he was, the Councillor stood up, went round to his wife and embraced her and gave her a hug. Then turned to husband and said, “this is what your wife needs three times a week, can you manage that?” Husband said. ”Well I can drop her off Mondays and Wednesday but I play golf on Fridays!" vitorio, ducky88 and Adenman 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'. As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?" Karlston, Adenman, funkyy and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 8 Share Posted March 8 Wife: Whatcha doing? Me: Nothing. Wife: You did that yesterday. Me: I wasn't finished. funkyy, Adenman, danielson and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Karlston, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Guy walks into bar, pulling on a long chain. The bartender asks him, "You come in here everyday pulling that chain, why?" The guy replies, "You ever tried to push one?" Adenman and funkyy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 Sadie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband Moshe copied and retouched. She said to the technician, "I have always hated the hat that my husband Moshe is wearing in the photo. Could you please retouch the hat out?" "Of course," said the technician, "What color hair did your husband have?" "When you take the hat off, you'll see," she said. funkyy, Adenman, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Her mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block. I asked mom but she said the dog was in heat and that should ask you." Her dad said, "Bring Susie over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's butt with it and said, "OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Her dad said, "Where's Susie?" The little girl said, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block and there's another dog pushing her home." Adenman, ducky88 and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys asked "What's that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life! Women are nothing but trouble." The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The following year this guy came into the trader's store and said, "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah," said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him," said the guy. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board!" ducky88, Adenman, vitorio and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 “I want to open a photo processing store in a developing country.” Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 An old lady, a difficult independent, use to sit on a bench in a park to feed the pigeons. One day, she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation, “Well, I can’t throw that far!” Adenman, funkyy and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 2 hours ago, aum said: These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys asked "What's that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life! Women are nothing but trouble." The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The following year this guy came into the trader's store and said, "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah," said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him," said the guy. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board!" The trader, miles away, chuckled, for he knew that love, even with a board, could be treacherous. funkyy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted March 9 Share Posted March 9 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 10 Share Posted March 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 haris_sane69, funkyy and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 (edited) Edited March 21 by Dce3480 Karlston and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted March 11 Share Posted March 11 TrojanK, funkyy, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 ducky88, funkyy, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted March 12 Share Posted March 12 Adenman, ducky88 and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted March 13 Share Posted March 13 Karlston, ducky88, Adenman and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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