aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Reversing the car: "Ah, this takes me back." funkyy and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't." The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you that idea at the party tonight?" Adenman and funkyy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 A man went one Thanksgiving to get a turkey from a live poultry farm. "Do you have any turkeys going cheap?" he asked. "Nope," said the owner. "All our turkey go gobble, gobble.'" Adenman and funkyy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use fowl language. Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 (edited) Q: What's the most musical part of a turkey? A: The drumstick. Edited April 1 by aum Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Q: Which cat discovered America? A: Christofurry Columbus. Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt. “That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.” Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Passenger to Airline Ticket Agent: I want my brown suitcase sent to Los Angeles, my green suitcase sent to Kansas City, and my tan suitcase sent to New Orleans. Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, sir; this flight is to Nashville. We can't do that. Passenger: Why not? You did it last time. Adenman, Karlston and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Patient 1: 'Why did you run away from the operation table?' Patient 2: 'The nurse was repeatedly saying 'don't get nervous', 'don't be afraid', 'be strong', 'this is a small operation only', things like that.' Patient 1: 'So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?' Patient 2: 'She was talking to the surgeon!' Adenman, TrojanK and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 It's been really hot this summer. The other day I saw a robin pulling a worm out of the ground using potholders. Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. TrojanK, Adenman and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar. As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of “When does life begin”. The priest said in the Bible states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true. The doctor looked at the priest funny and said, “You cannot be serious, I have been in practice for years and life begins at birth when you breathe your first breath of air.” The priest and doctor continue to argue their point and as others began to shift their attention to their conversation, the old man spoke. “You are both wrong, my wife and I fully agree that life begins when your kids finally move out of the house”. Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 A poodle and a collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend’s having an affair with a German shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist,” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.” Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 A dad was having a conversation with his 8 year old son Little Johnny about what he would like to be when he grew up. He went over many job ideas, when soon, he came out with, “I’d like to be a babysitter when I grow up.” Dad asked him, “Why a babysitter?” “It’s the only job where you get to play, watch TV, nap and they pay you for it,” he replied. “That would be great!” Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs.” Tim gets this horrified look on his face. She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?” “For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!” “I wasn’t,” he replied. ducky88, Adenman, funkyy and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 TrojanK, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 Two old friends, Rob & Jack, get together after many years apart. "So, how's your wife?" asks Rob. "She's a real angel!" replies Jack. "Lucky bastard" mutters Rob to himself. "Mine still alive!" TrojanK, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 4 Share Posted April 4 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 @Karlston My God, that even scares me lol aum and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 6 Share Posted April 6 ducky88, funkyy and danielson 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 lurch234 and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 (edited) Edited April 15 by Dce3480 lurch234 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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