Karlston Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 ducky88, J WACKO and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 My wife texted me “I love u”. I said that’s my favorite letter, too. ducky88, funkyy, Adenman and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to the local tribesman and said "That lizard's really funny" The tribesman replied ... "That's not a lizard, He' a stand up chameleon!" lurch234, Karlston, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 funkyy, ducky88, aum and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 Confucius says: "Man who stands in front of car gets tired, man who stands behind car gets exhausted." Karlston, Adenman and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 Two men at a bus stop started a conversation. One of them keeps complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man says, “You think you have family problems?” Listen to my situation: ”A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my dad married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my step-mom and my dad became my stepson-in-law. Also, my wife became mom-in-law to her dad-in-law. Then my wife’s daughter, my stepmom, had a son. This boy was my half-brother ’cause he was my dad’s son, but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter, which made him my wife’s grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now, the half-sister of my son, my stepmom, is also the grand-mom. My dad is the bro-in-law of my child, who is the stepbrother of my dad’s wife! “ And you think you have family problems?” The other guy fainted! Adenman, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) Somewhere in Italy a Mafioso walks into a Mafia bar. Taking his .38 special out he puts it behind the first customer's head sitting at the counter and asks what is 2+2 equal to. The customer answers 5. The Mafioso does this to two other customers always getting the wrong answer. Asking the final customer he gets 4 for an answer and proceeds to gun him down. Upon being asked why he did that, the Mafioso replied: "He knew to much!!" Edited February 25 by lurch234 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) Come on, give me a break! Edited February 25 by vitorio Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malan Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 (edited) Well, it just fits in there Edited February 25 by malan ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither, He's bald." Karlston, TrojanK, Adenman and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Savvy wife! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife. she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over... women like that are hard to find." ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant. This year I'm taking her with me! Adenman and funkyy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 An old man was a witness in a burglary case. The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam, "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes, says Sam. "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam, listen, you are an 80-year-old, and your eyesight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon. How far is that?" ducky88, Karlston and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV. The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at?” “A spider,” he replies. “I don’t see anything,” she says. “Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he said calmly. The wife jumps up screaming. The man says, “While you’re up, can you get me another beer?” Adenman, ducky88 and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 ducky88, lurch234, malan and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malan Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 The Problem with Education Today TrojanK, ducky88, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 @malan thanks, moved your post here where funny images fit better. malan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 TrojanK, aum, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 27 Share Posted February 27 TrojanK, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir. Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat. Karlston, ducky88 and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay with the current job. He asked which companies? I told him gas, electric, and cable. ducky88, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office. ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned' and returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.How long have you had arthritis? The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. funkyy, ducky88, Adenman and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 28 Share Posted February 28 An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. “What will you have?” he asked. “Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied. So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniels and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that's terrible she spluttered. “I don't know how you can drink this stuff!” “Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!” Adenman, malan and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.