aum Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. “Say, is this really a healthy place?” “It sure is,” the man replied, “when I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.” “That's wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?” “I was born here.” flash13, funkyy, TrojanK and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 1, 2022 Share Posted October 1, 2022 This sign at my dog groomer ducky88, funkyy, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 2, 2022 Share Posted October 2, 2022 To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word... funkyy, Karlston, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for? My wife put it there to remind me to take a letter to the Post Office. And did you mail it? No, she forgot to give me the letter. TrojanK, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down. The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!" The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass." debebee, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool fans.. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?' 'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea fan?' 'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea fan too!' 'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?' 'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan. Karlston, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Have you heard about a man who told his family every morning that he was going jogging but never did? It was a running...joke... ducky88, Karlston and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 "Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster." "No!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "Danger! Beware of Dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ducky88, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 3, 2022 Share Posted October 3, 2022 funkyy, ducky88 and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Bill Gates' sister looks like Bill Gates lost a bet and had to wear a wig for a week ducky88, aum and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Why did the school kids eat their homework? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. aum, ducky88, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 I almost had a psychic girlfriend. But she left me before we met. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 The pretty lady at the DMV recommended to me that I sign up to be an organ donor. That's when I realized she was a girl after my own heart! ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me." A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 An egg and a chicken sit in a doctor’s waiting room. A nurse walks out of the office and asks, “Alright, which one of you came first?” “Seriously!” shouts the chicken. ”Here, too?!” Karlston, TrojanK and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Dyson enters aviation aum and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted October 4, 2022 Share Posted October 4, 2022 Meanwhile in Australia Spoiler (Yass is a town in SE New South Wales) TrojanK, funkyy, flash13 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. TrojanK, aum, flash13 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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