Jump to content

[JOTD] Joke of the day


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 5.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Karlston

    802

  • aum

    622

  • polinom00

    374

  • flash13

    299

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Lost in translation....

A Woman Went For Fishing, But She Enjoyed Boating & Got Tired. 

She Sat, Kept Her Things In Side & Started Reading A Book. 

A Policeman Came And Said: “Mam You Are In No Fishing Zone.” 

She Said: “I Am Reading Not Fishing.” 

Policeman Said: “Then What, You Have All Equipment & You Might Start Anytime.” 

Woman Shouted: “Hey You Are Sexually Harassing Me.” 

Policeman Shocked: “I Am Not Doing Anything!” 

She Smiled: “But You Have All The Equipment & You Might Start Anytime!”

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had a really strange day. First I found a hat full of money.

 

Spoiler

Then I was chased by an angry man with an accordion.

  • Haha 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

A Woman Is Driving First Time On The Highway. 

Her Husband Calls & Says: “Be Careful Love, It’s Just Been On The Radio That Some One Is Driving The Wrong Way On The Highway” 

She Replies: “Someone? These Idiots Are In Hundreds“

Link to post
Share on other sites

A Father Passing By His Teenage Daughter’s Bedroom Was Astonished To See The Bed Was Nicely Made And Everything Was Neat And Tidy.

 

Then He Saw An Envelope Propped Up Prominently On The Center Of The Pillow. 

It Was Addressed”Dad”. With The Worst Premonition, He Opened The Envelope And Read The Letter With Trembling Hands: 

 

Dear Dad, 

It Is With Great Regret And Sorrow That I’m Writing You, But I’m Leaving Home.  I Had To Elope With My New Boyfriend Randy Because I Wanted To Avoid A Scene With Mom And You. 

 

I’ve Been Finding Real Passion With Randy And He Is So Nice To Me.  I Know When You Meet Him You’ll Like Him Too

 

Even With All His Piercings, Tattoos, And Motorcycle Clothes. 

But It’s Not Only The Passion Dad, I’m Pregnant And Randy Said That He Wants Me To Have The Kid And That We Can Be Very Happy Together. 

 

Even Though Randy Is Much Older Than Me (Anyway, 42 Isn’t So Old These Days Is It?), And Has No Money, Really These Things Shouldn’t Stand In The Way Of Our Relationship,  Don’t You Agree? 

 

Randy Has A Great Cd Collection; He Already Owns A Trailer In The Woods And Has A Stack Of Firewood For The Whole Winter. 

 

It’s True He Has Other Girlfriends As Well But I Know He’ll Be Faithful To Me In His Own Way. 

 

He Wants To Have Many More Children With Me And That’s Now One Of My Dreams Too. 

 

Randy Taught Me That Marijuana Doesn’t Really Hurt Anyone And He’ll Be Growing It For Us And We’ll Trade It With Our Friends For All The Cocaine And Ecstasy We Want.

 

  In The Meantime, We’ll Pray That Science Will Find A Cure For Aids So Randy Can Get Better; He Sure Deserves It!!  Your Loving Daughter,  Rosie. 

 

PS: Dad,

None Of The Above Is True.  I’m Over At The Neighbor’s House. 

I Just Wanted To Remind You That There Are Worse Things In Life Than My Report Card That’s In My Desk Drawer. 

Please Sign It And Call When It Is Safe For Me To Come Home. 

I Love You Dad

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

A Married Couple Is Driving Down The Highway Doing 80km/h.

The Husband Is Behind The Wheel. 

His Wife Looks Over At Him And Says: “Honey, I Know We’ve Been Married For 15 Years, But, I Want A Divorce”  The Husband Says Nothing But Slowly Increases Speed To 100km/h. 

Wife Then Says: “I Don’t Want You To Try To Talk Me Out Of It, Because I’ve Been Having An Affair With Your Best Friend, And He’s A Better Lover Than You”  Again The Husband Stays Quiet And Just Speeds Up As His Anger Increases. 

Wife: “I Want The House”  Again The Husband Speeds Up, And Now Is Doing 120km/h. 

Wife: “I Want The Kids Too”  The Husband Just Keeps Driving Faster, And Faster, Now He’s Up To 140km/h. 

Wife: “I Want The Car, The Checking Account, And All The Credit Cards Too”  The Husband Slowly Starts To Veer Toward A Bridge Overpass Piling, As She Says: “Is There Anything You Want?” 

The Husband Says: “No, I’ve Got Everything I Need” 

She Asks: “Really! What’s That?”

The Husband Replies Just Before They Hit The Wall At 200km/h: “I’ve Got The Airbag.“

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning, and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

 

"Take the high road," I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

 

The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed “thank you” – obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

 

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too.

 

Now she has to go back to the end of the line and start all over.

 

Don't honk your horn at old people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...