aum Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge. leapinlizards, kyber, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut. kyber, leapinlizards, flash13 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 Krinal 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 TrojanK, aum, kyber and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 “The formal wedding between two boxers was a black eye affair.” flash13 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting!” So we stopped playing chess. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 Internet discussion: user kiki357: HEEEEY, HOW ARE YOU? I’M NEW HERE! user ukili: Try pressing CapsLock. user kiki357: AWESOME, NOW I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP PRESSING SHIFT!! TrojanK, Karlston, Aeracier and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 Matrix, leapinlizards, flash13 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 Krinal, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher. "Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means." "I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start." leapinlizards, Matrix, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 I ordered an extension course, “How to Deal With Life’s Disappointments”. Yesterday, I got the first lesson by post. It was an empty envelope. Source aum, TrojanK, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says, "You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says, "Do you want me to tell him or should you?" kyber and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 Benny had told all his friends about the delicious steak he'd eaten in the Delancey Street restaurant the day before. So they decided to go down there and see if it was really as large and delicious as he said. But, much to their disappointment, the waiter brought them the tiniest steak they'd ever seen. "See here, my good man," Benny barked. "I was in this restaurant yesterday, and you served me a big, juicy steak, and now today, when I've organized a party and highly recommended this place, you serve such a small one." "Yes, sir," replied the waiter. "But yesterday you were sitting by the window." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs. With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish--make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!" At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive." kyber and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 kyber, black1, leapinlizards and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is really worsening.” The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points. "I see the Sun," answer the man. The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see?!” Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 Man: "Oh Guru! Why is it that when I open my eyes in bed at night, I see an aura light around my wife's head? What does it all mean spiritually?" Guru: "She's checking your cellphone." Krinal, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 (from Mr Bean TV series) Krinal, TrojanK and flash13 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night. Look at that moon!" The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You are wrong. That's not the moon; that's the sun!" Both continued arguing for awhile when they came upon another drunk walking along. So they stopped him and said, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk look at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." TrojanK and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking for a night guard?” “Yeah, we got robbed tonight.” Source aum, kyber, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches." "What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer. "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me, so I measured it!" Krinal, jbleck, vitorio and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PLASMA Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Update On COVID-19.... phen0men4, flash13, kyber and 4 others 2 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 The boss asks his employee, “Why aren’t you working?” The employee explains, “Sorry boss, I didn’t see you coming.” Source Karlston, TrojanK, aum and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Krinal and kyber 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 When the hockey season was suspended our Zamboni driver went missing. We weren't worried as we knew he would resurface. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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