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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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And if you spill one of their dancing sandwiches on your lap, that would make it a... :innocent:

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Once there was a retired pirate so he decides to live with his brother. 

The pirate walks up to his brothers house and knocks on the door and his brother answers the door and says, "Oh my gosh , what happened to your hand!?! " 

The pirate said, "I lost it in a sword fight , but now I have a hook." 

Then the brother said, "What about your leg?" 

The pirate said, "A cannonball hit it , but now I have a peg leg ." 

Then the brother said, "Well , what about your eye?" 

The pirate said, "I got some dust in it ."  The brother said, "How could you lose your eye by just getting some dust in it?" 

Then the pirate said, "It was my first day with my hook! ha ha :)

 

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Jonah and the Whale 

 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. 

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. 

 

The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. 

 

The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible. 

 

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." 

 

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" 

 

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

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Three men want to become agents for the FBI.

After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI.

The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife."

The guy says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters. 

 

The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses. 

 

Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife.

He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room.

After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room.

"What happened?" asks the FBI agent. 

"Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair." 

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A man wakes up in the recovery room after a bowel removal operation. The nurse sitting next to him says:

"Oh Good! You are awake. Your surgeon has a favor to ask. Could you please go take a dump as soon as possible?"

"He wants his watch back..."

 

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