[JOTD] Joke of the day

[august_rain 35]

David, a fresh computer graduate from a world-class University, goes for an interview in a software company.

The interviewer is John, a grubby old man. And the first question he asks David is, `Are you good at logic?'

`Of course,' replies David.

`Let me test you,' replies John. `Two men come down a chimney. One comes with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one would wash his face?'

David stares at John. `Is that a test in Logic?' John nods.

`The one with the dirty face washes his face', David answers wearily.

`Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face.'

`Hmm. I never thought of that," says David. `Give me another test.'

John holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?'

`We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes his face.'

`Wrong. Each one washes one's face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face. When the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his face, he also washes his face. So each one washes one's face.'

`I didn't think of that!' says David. `It's shocking to me that I could make an error in logic. Test me again!'

John holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?'

`Each one washes his face.'

`Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. But when the one with clean face sees that the one with the dirty face doesn't wash his face, he also doesn't wash his face. So neither one washes his face.'

David is desperate. `I am qualified for this job. Please give me one more test!'

He groans when John lifts his two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his face?'

`Neither one washes his face', David replies, `I have learnt this logic.'

`Wrong, again. Do you now see, David , why programming knowledge is insufficient for this job? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to come down the same chimney, and for one to come out with a clean face and the other with a dirty face? Don't you see the flaw in the premise?'

[august_rain 35]

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do" replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

[aum 5,219]

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

 

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

 

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam. "

 

Professor: "Okay, it is a deal. So what is the question?"

 

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

 

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

 

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

 

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 32 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 21 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

 

[aum 5,219]

Logic, eh?:

 

Woman: do you drink beer?

Man: yes

 

Woman: how many beers a day?

Man: usually about three

 

Woman: how much do you pay per beer?

Man:$5.00 which includes a tip

 

Woman: and how long have you been drinking?

 

 Man: about 20 years, I suppose

 

Woman: so a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at about $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man: correct

 

Woman: if in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?

Man: correct

 

Woman: do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

 

Man: do you drink beer?

Woman: no.

 

Man: where is your airplane?

[Karlston 24,199]

[aum 5,219]

An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play.  All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!"

Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!"

 

The time for the entrance finally came. As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM! He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”

 

[Disco Bob 4,375]

[Krinal 1,151]

Doctor : How is ur headache ?

Patient : she's out of town

[Krinal 1,151]

Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

[aum 5,219]

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old."

By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday."

 

[aum 5,219]

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

 

[aum 5,219]

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.

 

"No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer.

"No I did not," the doctor said.

 

"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."

 

The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

 

[Krinal 1,151]

 

[Karlston 24,199]

[flash13 16,579]

[Rainmaker 126]

 

// R

[Krinal 1,151]

 

[Akaneharuka 1,339]

[aum 5,219]

It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.

She'll be happy to know I got the hint.

I got her a magazine rack!

 

[flash13 16,579]

[aum 5,219]

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"

 

A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."

 

The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish.

 

Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

 

[aum 5,219]

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?"

 

The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old."

 

"Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?"

 

She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

 

[Krinal 1,151]

 

Edited November 18, 2020 by Karlston
emlarged image

[Karlston 24,199]

[aum 5,219]

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," says the butcher, "let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That one is too skinny. What else have you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You'd better give me both of them!"