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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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A man wakes up in the recovery room after a bowel removal operation. The nurse sitting next to him says:

"Oh Good! You are awake. Your surgeon has a favor to ask. Could you please go take a dump as soon as possible?"

"He wants his watch back..."

 

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Teacher : What come`s after 720 ? 

 

Me : 721 

 

Teacher : Then why did you write 1080 ?

 

Me : quiz-serious-cat.png?errorImage=false

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Little Amy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Amy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Amy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Amy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat." 

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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.


The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."


The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"


The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

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A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.

He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"

The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"

The man said, "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Scottish woman came to him and said, "'ave ya ever been fooked, laddie?"

The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".

She said, "Aye, ya will be when the tide comes in."

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