scarabou 417 Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 syd5237 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karlston 24,202 Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 scarabou, flash13, Gheorghita and 2 others 2 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 leapinlizards, scarabou and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table. I had to get a running start, but I made it! Krinal, flash13, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 Karlston, scarabou, Krinal and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karlston 24,202 Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 scarabou, TrojanK, Krinal and 2 others 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Krinal 1,151 Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" She asked him. "Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?" "I would have gotten out today." 🙂 Karlston, leapinlizards, TrojanK and 1 other 1 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 TrojanK, Karlston, scarabou and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Krinal 1,151 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Santa: I'm going to watch "Mission Impossible" tonite. Banta: On cable or at theater? Santa: Not the film, my wife bought slim fit jeans & she is going to try it !! TrojanK, scarabou, aum and 2 others 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman. "Anything from $2 to $2,000." "Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer. The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket." "How does it work?" asked the customer. "For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder." danielson, scarabou, TrojanK and 2 others 3 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 leapinlizards and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform. "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked. The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed." Karlston and Krinal 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karlston 24,202 Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 flash13, Krinal and scarabou 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 aum, Karlston, Krinal and 2 others 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Krinal 1,151 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Santa: its simple. I will stop my imagination!! TrojanK, aum, Karlston and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 I’m giving up drinking until Christmas! Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up, drinking until Christmas! TrojanK, jbleck, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karlston 24,202 Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 flash13, Krinal and scarabou 2 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 TrojanK, Krinal, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 I'm not a complete idiot... Some parts are still missing! flash13, Krinal and Karlston 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Krinal 1,151 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Husband and wife in bed, she says to him "say something dirty to me please", he replies "the kitchen". aum, Karlston, TrojanK and 2 others 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be... There's no need to remind her every half hour. TrojanK, scarabou, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flash13 16,588 Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 Krinal, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MagicSahar 121 Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 TrojanK, Karlston, jbleck and 2 others 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aum 5,219 Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas. Some insist on a shirt. Others insist on a pair of socks. The argument always ends in a tie. Krinal, Karlston, leapinlizards and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karlston 24,202 Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 At Swinburne University, there were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to Sydney and visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the Uni until late Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but, on the way, back they had a flat tyre and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written: Spoiler For 95 points: Which tyre went flat? aum, jbleck, leapinlizards and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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