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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed.

In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.

She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning.

She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked him.

"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."

Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"

"I would have gotten out today." 
🙂

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Santa: I'm going to watch "Mission Impossible" tonite.

Banta: On cable or at theater?

Santa: Not the film, my wife bought slim fit jeans & she is going to try it !!

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A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.


"Anything from $2 to $2,000."


"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.


The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."


"How does it work?" asked the customer.


"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

 

 

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I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.


"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked.


The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."

 

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Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?

Santa: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!

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December is the month when the kids begin to discuss what to get Dad for Christmas.


Some insist on a shirt.


Others insist on a pair of socks.


The argument always ends in a tie.

 

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At Swinburne University, there were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to Sydney and visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the Uni until late Monday morning.

 

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but, on the way, back they had a flat tyre and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.

 

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written:

 

Spoiler

For 95 points: Which tyre went flat?

 

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The Kawasaki motorcycle salesman had a big problem that virtually stopped his sales. Every time he sat on a new Kawasaki to demonstrate its features, he would let go an enormous fart, but unlike any ordinary fart, it would go, HONDAAA!!!!!

 

This upset him terribly and eventually he went to his doctor for help.

 

The doctor was confused and after a long read of his medical dictionary he finally in great excitement said, “I’ve got it! You have an abscess in your bottom."

 

Spoiler

And everyone knows that abscess makes the fart go Hondaaaa!

 

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Wife: Look at that man who has drunk a lot..

Husband: Who is he?

Wife: 10 year ago, he was my boy friend and i denied him for marriage.

Husband: Oh my god, he is still celebrating!!

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On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.


The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving."


Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section.


Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."


The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."


He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"


Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.


He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

 

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