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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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On 9/17/2020 at 9:56 PM, Karlston said:

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this MIGHT only be funny for isolated people (Australia, Canada, Siberia, Island, Sicily etc.)... for people who made all the fuss about this thread and rightfully so. this is just sad and retarded...

if you don't get it, don't worry... just wait a few years... it'll either be funny or really sad.

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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away.  The undertaker told the husband: "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." 

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

 The undertaker asked: "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" 

The man replied: "Long ago a man died here, was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead."

Shaking his head, he continued: "I just can't take that chance."

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One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. The car broke down. 

 

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." 

 

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

 

  The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." 

 

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" 

 

The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

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A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her.. Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World

Looking bewildered she replied You want Both !!!??

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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What could possibly go wrong?

 

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NorthEastKnight

My cats kept chewing on electrical cords, so i had to de-fuse the situation and ground them. They're doing better currently and conducting themselves properly. Potentially, they now have the capacity to show resistance in future. Now that's a load off my mind.

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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

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A judge asked a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."

From out in the audience a man shouted, "Lying b@st@rd!"

"Silence in the court!", the judge shouted back to the man.

He turned to the defendant and said, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "Tightwad!", blurted the man again.

"Quiet!", yelled the judge who continued, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge thundered back, "If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt!"

So the man answered, "I've lived next to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"

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What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives girls crazy?

its money! 

 

Ugly girls think they’re hot,

hot girls think they’re ugly,

fat girls think they’re skinny,

& skinny girls think they’re fat.

 

  SAD = Single, Available, Desperate 

 

If she's worth it, you won't give up.

If you give up, you're not worthy.

If she's easy, she won't be amazing

If she's amazing, she won't be easy

 

  I love you is an 8 letter word, so is bullsh*t 

 

It takes patience to listen.

It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

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