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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her aride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.


The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.


When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.


'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant.


'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'


'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.
 

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Lost in translation....

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"


The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."
 

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If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

==============================================================================

It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.

 

Edited by Abacaxi
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A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child."


"Oh I'm sorry," responded the underclassman, "I didn't realize you were pregnant."

 

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A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

 

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."


"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.


As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"


"Yeah, so?" said the officer.


"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"

 

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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial”.

“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch….”

The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means.”

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, “Hello!”

The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”
 

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Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"


"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.


After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.


About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.


The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/

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A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.


"Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer.


"Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is make love, I can't take it anymore."


"Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested.


The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.


As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.


"Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom."


"Well, then," he said. "Here's $50."


The wife began walking to the bedroom.


"Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"

 

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Manny is almost 29 years old. His friends have already gotten married, but Manny still just dates and dates.

Finally, a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Manny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"

Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together. "So, Manny, did you find that perfect girl yet--one that's just like your Mother?"

Manny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like Mom. And my mother loved her, and they became fast friends."

So should I congratulate you? "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!"
 

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After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.


There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."


Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic.

 

And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?"
 

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Thoughts To Ponder:


1. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


4. What disease did cured ham actually have?


5. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


6. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


7. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


8. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


9. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


10. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


 

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At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."


Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother. He says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."


Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."


Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."


The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"
 

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A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"

"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."

His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He feel silent, and she continued,

"You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will NOT ask for directions."
 

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