Abacaxi Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? - Wife: Michael, I’m over here! ========================================================================= Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.” Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.” Edited May 5, 2020 by Abacaxi Pequi, ghost and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 It has four legs and it can fly, what is it? - Two birds. ghost and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, Abacaxi said: It has four legs and it can fly, what is it? Thanks, reminds me of an old favourite... What do you call a fly with no wings? Spoiler A walk. Abacaxi 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly, they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of wine per week.” - The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the only doctor I am going to?” leapinlizards, aum, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? - Snowballs. ========================================================================= Edited May 5, 2020 by Abacaxi haris_sane69, Pequi, TrojanK and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 kyber, ghost, TrojanK and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 "Hey, you guys in lock down....you okay? Karlston, Pequi, Abacaxi and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 ghost and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 Karlston, ghost, Pequi and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke detector. ghost, flash13, Karlston and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post aum Posted May 6, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 6, 2020 Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!" Karlston, TrojanK, flash13 and 4 others 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 Abacaxi, Pequi and polinom00 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 (edited) (1) When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on. ================================================================================== (2) Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up. = You don’t need make-up, Jane. Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you! = You need plastic surgery. Edited May 7, 2020 by Abacaxi ghost and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 (edited) (1) Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.” »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» (2) A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face. Edited May 7, 2020 by Abacaxi TrojanK, Pequi, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 ghost 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant." "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct," asked the rejected applicant. "We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the Department manager. "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. "Simple," said the Department manager, "Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'" Pequi, ghost, Karlston and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice weekend," said the officer. Abacaxi, Karlston, flash13 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post aum Posted May 7, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 7, 2020 At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately. "I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother." "Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how surprised I am! I'm her mother!" Karlston, polinom00, NEW123 and 5 others 2 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 (edited) They said put on a mask. Didn't say which kind of mask! Edited May 7, 2020 by polinom00 kyber, Abacaxi, TrojanK and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 polinom00, TrojanK and Abacaxi 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polinom00 Posted May 7, 2020 Share Posted May 7, 2020 A buyer requested an online seller to send proof that the wild honey he's selling is genuine Abacaxi, lurch234, TrojanK and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abacaxi Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited: “Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!” “No way!” “Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.” - Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!” - The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Wonder what they're watching... must be a moo-vie TrojanK, kyber and flash13 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 (edited) Edited May 9, 2020 by flash13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 Y U NO Sexy Bitch & Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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