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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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Two students were talking about their childhood.


"I was a very clever toddler. By the time I was ten months old, I could already walk."


"You call that clever?" the other said. "I managed to trick my parents into carrying me until I was three!"

 

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I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay with the current job.


He asked which companies?


I told him gas, electric, and cable.
 

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A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."


Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
 

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It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
 

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An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

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A mother asks her son: "Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?"
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Son: "My name is Paul."

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One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

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I used to be indecisive……But now I'm not so sure.

 

I have a photographic memory……But never developed it.

 

A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly……As you can see, they were Wright.

 

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand……I'm okay.

 

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Him: "Since Mr. Wilson has lost his money, half his friends don't know him anymore."


Her: "And the other half?"


Him: "They don't know yet that he's lost his money."
 

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