[JOTD] Joke of the day

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

Edited December 22, 2013 by STEEL

[x_engineer_x]

Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend. He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!" "My god," shrieks Carol. "Did it amputate his whole finger?" "No, thank goodness," sniffs Judi. "But it was the one just next to it!"

[Turk]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of

me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best

toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church

beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street

corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the

other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,

he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,

and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[implague]

OLYMPIAN GODS OF ACTION MOVIES

[kn_andre]

OLYMPIAN GODS OF ACTION MOVIES

Mega LoL :P

[kn_andre]

Why @Turk ?? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ..... Why Would you Reveal these Sacred Secrets of Women here in the Open ????

Well, I love and respect women. In this JOTD context, I also like their rules, too:)

You do not like Women Rules :P ... You just Playing " Politricks " .... I know guys will do anything to get " Laid " LoL :P

[STEEL]

Why @Turk ?? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ..... Why Would you Reveal these Sacred Secrets of Women here in the Open ????

Well, I love and respect women. In this JOTD context, I also like their rules, too:)

You do not like Women Rules :P ... You just Playing " Politricks " .... I know guys will do anything to get " Laid " LoL :P

Dam, U read my Mind, like a Man :lol:

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[Turk]

Fappers Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

------------ --------- --------oOo- -----------

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let

liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your f***ing plane!"

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,

I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------

Two couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are

getting on".

------------ --------- --------oOo- ------------------ -

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says

"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole feckin' bed by the looks of it!"

------------ --------- --------oOo- ---------

Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get

a dodgy one!

-------- --------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not

servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------

Paddy, the boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath

beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think

that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

------------ --------- --------oOo- --------- ---------

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking

like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you

do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like

it!"

------------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

--------- --------oOo- --------- --------- --------- -

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London!"

[x_engineer_x]

Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy. "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

:lol: :P

[kn_andre]

Why @Turk ?? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ..... Why Would you Reveal these Sacred Secrets of Women here in the Open ????

Well, I love and respect women. In this JOTD context, I also like their rules, too:)

You do not like Women Rules :P ... You just Playing " Politricks " .... I know guys will do anything to get " Laid " LoL :P

Dam, U read my Mind, like a Man :lol:

:P :P :P :P :P :P :P Edited December 24, 2013 by kn_andre

[kn_andre]

Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." "Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy. "But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

Daddy Certainly has some Explaining to do !!!!!!!!!! ..

[kn_andre]

Thanks for sharing ... Everybody has a Weakness - Just like Superman Weakness is Kryptonite, now i Know Wolverine's Weak Spot ... :P

[kn_andre]

Seriously, @STEEL what were you thinking before you made this Post ?? :P ... We can only Imagine... :P ... LoL .. Cheers..

[Tharixxx]

[Tharixxx]

[Turk]

Things You Can Get Away With Saying at Christmas

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst

5.I've never seen a better spread

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some

10. Don't play with your meat

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go

12. Do you think you will be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I did'nt expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know its ready when it it pops up

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

[kn_andre]

Things You Can Get Away With Saying at Christmas1. I prefer breasts to legs2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst5.I've never seen a better spread6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat7. Are you ready for seconds yet?8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some10. Don't play with your meat11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go12. Do you think you will be able to handle all these people at once?13. I did'nt expect everyone to come at the same time!14. You still have a little bit on your chin15. How long will it take after you put it in?16. You'll know its ready when it it pops up17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

Naughty Naughty ...... :P :P :P

[kn_andre]

Tit for Tat - not so bad ... :P

[dMog]

Tit for Tat - not so bad ... :P

haa ha good one