[JOTD] Joke of the day

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[SlimRock]

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got
into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The
man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this...when your ear itches and you put
your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out,
which feels better-your ear or your finger?" :P

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Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you

ever start thinking about something, and when you go
to talk, you say something you don't mean?" The
Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying
plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had
these huge tits, and instead of asking her for 'two
tickets to Pittsburgh' I asked for 'two tickets to
Titsburgh' The First guy says, "Yeah, well I was having
breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying
'Honey can you please pass me the sugar?', I said
'You've ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH' :lmao:

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A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a

drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening
he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into
the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I
mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits
at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by
women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two
of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the
barman, 'Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came
in here and left with those two stunning women -
what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything
a girl could want but have not been able to connect all
night - What's going on?' 'Well,' Said the Barman, 'I
don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing
every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits
there licking his eyebrows...' :tehe:

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A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to

go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes

through and opens the door. In steps a very large black

man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man

I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies

"I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm

Turner Brown." The dwarf faints! After coming to his senses, the

dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I

said I'm 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is

Turner Brown." The dwarf looked relieved and started

laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said 'Turn

Around'." :rofl:

[Turk]

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers! '

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put itin your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy, I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in!

[kn_andre]

LoL .. Funny and Educative .... No Matter How "Horny" a Dog is, He Shouldn't go try "Hump" a Wild Tiger :P :P ... It's Just like Biting Too Much than you Can Chew or Attempting to Take on Someone whose Way much Bigger and Stronger than you .. And Ho Ho Ho - Christmas came Early for the Tiger as Santa seems to have Tossed Her a Dog to eat for Lunch.. :P LoL galore .. Cheers for Sharing

[kn_andre]

Mega LoL ..... Am pretty Sure this did not happen in Pinocchio's Story :P :P :P??? Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn this So Freaking Funny ... Thanks for making my Day ... Cheers..

[kn_andre]

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!'Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!'Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers! 'They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put itin your mouth.'The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy, I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!'Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in!

:P :P :P :P ... LoL .... Cheers for sharing .....

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[Tharixxx]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: B) B) B) B) B)

[Tharixxx]

Did You get the Point :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Roger D]

:P :P ;)

[Turk]

Four blokes spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip to a remote and disconnected spot.

Two days before they are due to leave, Dave's wife puts her foot down and tells him he's not going.

His mates are naturally pissed off that he can't go, but what can they do, they decide to push on.

Two days later the three fellas arrive at the remote camp site to find Dave sitting there with a tent set up,

firewood gathered, beer open and fish cooking on the fire.

Steve: 'Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?'

Dave: 'I've been here since last night. Yesterday afternoon I was

sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who?'

I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie.

She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed were handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.'

'And then she said:' 'Do whatever you want.'

So here I am..

[sapikurban]

:P :P ;)

MADE MY DAY!! Thanks :lol: :lol:

Edited January 12, 2014 by sapikurban

[kn_andre]

:P :P ;)

Really ???????????????? Now i know you are Cheating on me with this Girl !!! #OfficiallyAngryAndMad@You !!

[kn_andre]

Did You get the Point :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hahahaha :P :P ... Nice one ... Cheers

[SlimRock]

Once there were twin brothers by the name of Jones.
John Jones was married, and Joe Jones was single. The
single brother Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated
row boat. It happened that John Jone's wife died the
same day that Joe's rowboat filled with water and sank.
A few days later, a kindly old lady met Joe and mistaken
him for John said; "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear of
your great loss, you must feel terrible". :sadwalk:
Joe smiled and said, "Well I am not a bit sorry, she was
rather old from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up
and she smelled of dead fish. Even the first time I got
into her, she made water faster than anything I ever
saw. She had a bad crack and a pretty big hole in her
front, and that hole got bigger every time I used her. It
got so I could barely handle her, but if anyone else
used her she leaked like anything. The thing that
finished her was four guys from the other side of town.
They came down looking for a good time and asked if I
could lend her to them. I warned them she wasn't so
hot, but they could take a crack at her if they liked.
Well, the result was the crazy fools tried to get inside
her all at once and it was too much for her. She
cracked right up the middle". :chair: :rofl:

[Roger D]

:P :P ;)

Really ???????????????? Now i know you are Cheating on me with this Girl !!! #OfficiallyAngryAndMad@You !!

No baby..just jokin.. :rolleyes: how can I compare that ass to yours.. ;) for yours the 'Round' and 'Perfect' words must be redefined.. :P :P

[SlimRock]

Happy Pirates! :P

[Turk]

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his
apartment building to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he
sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, he fell asleep and sunburned
his willy. Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with
the hot blonde, so he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in
gauze. The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment
for the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast.After they
finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a
movie. During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several
minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused. A friend had told him that
milk was very effective in reducin sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen,
poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk.
he experience immediate relief.The blonde, wondering what the young man was
doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed
in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,
"So, that's how you reload those things"

Off topic: The subject matter is comparing a blonde with brunette, not the white bikini,
or redefining "perfect" or "round". BTW, I am out of discussion, do not quote on me :)

[Turk]

A business man got into a lift.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,

"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and with a smile replied,

"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,

"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,

"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible,

"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again said,

"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,

"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'” DUHHH!!!

[SlimRock]

Dating for 3 years! :rofl:

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[Turk]

Upon hearing that her Daddy had just passed away,

Katie went straight to her Mom's house to comfort her.

When she asked how her Dad had died, her Mom replied,

"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday

morning."

Horrified, Katie told her Mom that 2 people experienced enough having

sex would surely be not asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied Mom. "Years ago, realizing our

mature age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the

church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm.

Nice and slow and even, nothing too strenuous:

Innnn on the Ding, Outtttt on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be

alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."