[JOTD] Joke of the day

[Roger D]

HEY ROGER, WATCH THIS ONE (1) FROM SOUTH AFRICA :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0sSoZHaW-E

:P

ultimate.. :lol: :lol:

[STEEL]

HEY ROGER, WATCH THIS ONE (1) FROM SOUTH AFRICA :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0sSoZHaW-E

:P

ultimate.. :lol: :lol:

Thanx, Roger, my Likes of the Day is Depleted, will Hook-Up again soon on this subject

[speedy57]

HEY ROGER, WATCH THIS ONE (1) FROM SOUTH AFRICA :lol:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0sSoZHaW-E

:P

ultimate.. :lol: :lol:

Thanx, Roger, my Likes of the Day is Depleted, will Hook-Up again soon on this subject

Just to let you know that's not from SA it's a publicity for meat (Charal).

;)

[STEEL]

:P

[Lyon275]

:lol: :D

[Yorel]

:lol: :D

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[Harrison4]

Police in London had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just could not control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot you."

One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"

[SlimRock]

Sorry! off Topic!

`````````````

To all the guys who have a 'Live GPS' and don't know how to appreciate it!!!!

"Every Husband and wife will love this poem"

I have a little GPS
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions

Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice .

It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off." :P

[SlimRock]

man takes his wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large
- break dancing, moon walking, back flips,
the works. The wife turns to her husband
and says:
"See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me
and I turned him down.
" Husband says:
"Looks like he's still celebrating" :lol:

``````````````````````````````````````````

**abbreviated texts meanings **

FLIP: Fuck Love I'm Pimping.

ILY: Im Leaving You.

SMH: Sex Might Help.

FUCK: Friends U Can Keep.

LOVE: Legs Open Very Easy.

M.O.E: Money Over Everything.

ADIDAS: All Day I Dream About Sex.

FLIRT: Fuck Love I`d Rather Tease.

LIFE: Love It Fuck Everything Else.

REAL: Remember Everyone Ain't Loyal.

CREAM: Cash Rules Everything Around Me.

SINGLE: Stress Is Now Gone Life's Easier.

BIBLE: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

BITCH: Beautiful Individual That Corrects Hoes.

SINGLE: Sometimes It's Not Good Loving Everyone.

DRAMA: Dumbass Retards Askin For More Attention.

BARBIES: Broke Ass Ridiculous Bitches Imitating Everyones Swagg.

WIFE: We In This For Ever.

HUSBAND: He Understands Situations Better And Never Dips.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

GIRL : Mom im Pregnant

MOM: what ! Didnt I tell you that if a boy touches your Boobs , say “Dont” ? And If He Touches your Private Part , say “Stop” ?
GIRL: Well He Did Them Both So I Kept On Saying “Dont Stop“

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Daughter: Mom, My boyfriend and I are going out.

Mom: Its a school night honey.
Daughter: I’m grown! Stop telling me what to do!!!! You always control me. I hate you!
*Girl leaves house*
*3 HOURS LATER*
Brother: *CRYING*
Daughter: Whats wrong!?!?
Brother: Mom died!
Daughter: *Cries*
Brother: Its all your fault! You told her you hate her, you disrespected her!!!
*Mom walks out of bedroom*
Daughter: Wait, what? I thought..
Mom: You hate me, and you cried. You obviously love me.
Daughter: MOM! Im so sorry, you dont realize what you have until its ‘gone’ I love you mom. ?
*Daughter calls boyfriend*
Daughter: I cant hang out tomorrow, i’m doing girls night with my mom.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

A little girl was asking her teacher.

Girl: “Can my mom get pregnant?”

Teacher: “How old is your mom?”

Girl: “She’s 40!”

Teacher: Yes, she can.”

Girl: “Can my sister get pregnant?”

Teacher: “How old is your sister?”

Girl: “She’s 18.”

Teacher: “Yes, she can.”

Girl: “Can I get pregnant?

Teacher: “How old are you?”

Girl: “I’m 12.”

Teacher: “No you cannot get pregnant.”

A lil boy sitting behind the lil girl said, “I told you we have nothing to worry about.”

The teacher fainted.

[implague]

What To Do When Your Parents Catch You While Watching Porn Movie?
.
.
.
Be Enthusiastic And With A Big Smile Say : See I am Not A Gay

[STEEL]

Most Awesome Thanksgiving Photos

[kn_andre]

Most Awesome Thanksgiving Photos

This is Creepy funny ...... Cheers ...

[Roger D]

Johnny walked into class with a black eye. :hurt: :hurt:

Teacher: what's wrong? :rolleyes:

Johnny: my house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.
Every night, my dad asks, "johnny are u sleeping?" Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. :blink:

Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet and dont answer.

The following morning, Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again. :injured: :injured:

Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye again? :omg:

Johnny: dad asked me again, Johnny are u sleeping? & i shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, u know, at the same time mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. :naughty:

Then my dad asked my mum, "are u coming?" :naughty:

Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u coming too?"
Dad answered, "yes." :naughty:

They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!! :hurt: :hurt:

[Roger D]

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.
Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. ;)

So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. B)

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member.’ He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. :doh:

Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line. :idea:

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?” 8)

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep,

“The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons… :P :P :P

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[SlimRock]

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. ;)

So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. B)

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member.’ He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. :doh:

Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line. :idea:

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?” 8)

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep,

“The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons… :P :P :P

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:naughty:

[SlimRock]

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!" :naughty:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed. A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen. She is rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, she is unharmed. After giving a full examination, though, the doctor tells her, "I have good and bad news for you. You are going to have triplets — but each baby has a bullet in it. Luckily, they have hit no vital organs, and eventually your children will pass the bullets naturally."

The woman has 3 healthy babies. Twelve years pass, and she has all but forgotten the incident in the bank.

One day, the first child, a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened — I was using the toilet, and I passed a bullet." The mother explains everything, and she assures her daughter that everything is okay.

A few weeks later, the second child, also a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts her and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The mother goes on to tell the daughter the story.

Several weeks later, the third child, a son, comes to his mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts him and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The son says, "No, Mom — I was masturbating and shot the dog!" :lol:

[STEEL]

:P

Edited December 1, 2013 by STEEL

[Turk]

How to copy and paste an image on desktop? anyway, instead:

Voted best short joke of 2005:

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His

father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this

house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way

we can afford it.

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front

door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and

heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell

you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm

staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"

Edited December 2, 2013 by Turk

[lurch234]

Someone told me wrestling is fake. I dont believe it...

Surprise! :P

[STEEL]

Q: How many meth users does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 4, one to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room spins

So this guy is on speed, which makes him feel really horny, so he walks into a whore house to get himself a good f**k. On the inside he remembers that he's a bit short on cash so he says to the mistress: "Listen, I only have five dollars, can you help me out?" The lady says: "Sure, go up the stairs and go in the door on the right." The guy goes up the stairs and in through the door. He sees a chicken sitting on a table. He is a little disappointed but the speed is kicking in so he figures: "Oh well you get what you pay for!", and he screws that chicken to near death, there are feathers flying everywhere. So the next day the guy is still a bit high and decides to go back to the whorehouse. He says to the madam: "Listen lady, I've only got two bucks today. Can you do anything at all for me?" "Sure!" says the madam. "Go up the stairs and in the door on the left this time". The guy goes in through the door on the left and finds a bunch of guys staring through a two-way mirror at two beautiful lesbians having sex. "This is fantastic. Only two bucks for this!!" the guy says to one of the other men. The other man says "Yes, but you should have been here yesterday, there was guy in there fucking a chicken!"

:P

[kn_andre]

 

:P

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuu .... Come on Guys..... Now Play time is Over .... No more Lollypops for all you Naughty Boys..

Edited December 3, 2013 by kn_andre

[kn_andre]

 

Johnny walked into class with a black eye. :hurt: :hurt:

Teacher: what's wrong? :rolleyes:

Johnny: my house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed.

Every night, my dad asks, "johnny are u sleeping?" Then i say No and he slaps my face and gives me a black eye. :blink:

Teacher: tonight when ur dad asks again, keep dead quiet and dont answer.

The following morning, Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again. :injured: :injured:

Teacher: My goodness! Why the black eye again? :omg:

Johnny: dad asked me again, Johnny are u sleeping? & i shut up and kept dead still. Then my dad and my mum started moving, u know, at the same time mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. :naughty:

Then my dad asked my mum, "are u coming?" :naughty:

Mum said, "yes, i'm coming, r u coming too?"

Dad answered, "yes." :naughty:

They don't usually go anywhere without me so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!! :hurt: :hurt:

Absolutely Hilarious ... @Roger D, your Once again getting Warmed up.. If you Keep on throwing Funny Bombs this way, then am thinking you might Dethrone @slimrock off his Tittle ... LoL So Funny ... Hmmmm and who Knows?? Maybe you might get Lucky with me again ???? Cheers ....

[Turk]

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class

gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The

flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy

and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde

replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and

I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot

that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and

won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde

and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she

is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave

and return to her original seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde,

I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!"

Exasperated the copilot tells the pilot that it was no use and

that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to

arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot

says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a

blonde, and I speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers

in her ear, and she says "Oh, I'm sorry - I had no idea" gets up

and moves back to her seat in the economy section. The flight

attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to

make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne".