Roger D Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) <Deleted> Edited October 24, 2013 by Roger D Moderator Note. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger D Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Lost in Shadow.. :lol: :dribble: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Lost in Shadow.. :lol: :dribble:Lost in >>>... :dribble: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight :argue: , the man called the women a "bitch" :ermm: and the women called the man a "bastard" :usama: . Their son :rolleyes: walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen" . The next day the parents decided to have sex :love:, the women said "feel my titties" :alien: and the man said "feel my dick" :fist: . Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats" :jester: . On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using :sneaky:.Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey :blush:.Then the doorbell rang :frusty: . The kid answered the door to his relatives and said :flowers: "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start.I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyon275 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) :lol: Edited October 23, 2013 by Lyon275 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 (edited) :lol:Already Posted! :lol: //www.nsaneforums.com/topic/164933-jotd-joke-of-the-day/?p=641166 :pirate: :omg: :dribble: Edited October 23, 2013 by slimrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyon275 Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Already Posted! :lol: //www.nsaneforums.com/topic/164933-jotd-joke-of-the-day/?p=641166 :pirate: :omg: :dribble:Ooops :D Sorry i wasn't paying attention :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen." :rofl: :tooth: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger D Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 :D :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger D Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nanoman Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Democracy-in-Russiaother candidate no no no >>you cant choose but if you do you die :s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open." Edited October 26, 2013 by slimrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger D Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 :P :P :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lyon275 Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand! Q: What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke! Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: "Olive or twist?" Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: "Please, no stories!" Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world! Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit! Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: "A beer please, and one for the road." Q: You know what's fun about being sober?A: Nothing. Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex! Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table! Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? A: He's the one dancing like an asshole! Q: How do you know a man is really really gay? A: When he's nursing a Bacardi Breezer! Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels. Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A: He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay! Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light! Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat? A: They are both SO close to water! Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up! Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere! Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense! Q: Where do monkeys go to drink? A: The monkey bars! Q: Why don’t Democrats drink? A: It interferes with their suffering! Q: What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff Vodka? A: a "Pabst Smir!" Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street. Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean! Q: What does an alcoholic ghost drink? A: BOO'S Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Q: What is the origin of the word "Boob"? A: The "B" is the aerial view, the "oo" is the front view, the "b" is the side view. Q: What do toys and boobs have in common? A: They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them! Q: What did saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A: "If we don't get some support here people are going to think were nuts." Q: What kind of bees produce milk? A: Boobies! Q: Why did God give women breasts? A: So men would talk to them! Q: What did the ghost say to the hornets? A: BOO bees. Q: What do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson's breasts? A: Silicon Valley. Q: Why are redheads flat chested? A: It makes it easier to read their T- shirts Q: What do you call identical boobs? A: Identities. Q: What do you call a redhead with large breasts?A: A mutant. Q: How are a blonde's breasts and a pad alike? A: Neither are recommended for the beach and both come in different absorbency levels. Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? A: Her navel. Q: What's blue and has 100 nipples? A: The dumpster at the cancer clinic. Q: What did one boob say to the other boob? A: You’re my breast friend. Q: Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells? A: Her boobs were too big for B shells. Q: Why did God give women boobs and nipples? A: To make suckers out of men! Q: What do you call that patch of hair between an old ladys tits? A: Her snatch. Q: What does Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman have in common? A: If you take away the legs and the breast you're left with a smelly greasy box? Q: Why did the Blonde have square boobs? A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Whats big black, inside of a women, and is usually near their boobs? A: Tumors Q: What do you call a girl without boobs? A: Justin Bieber :P Q: Why is a push up bra like a bag of chips? A: You open it and its half empty Q: When is the last time most overweight men have touched a breast? A: In a KFC bucket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
implague Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A: A Budweiser in each hand! Q: What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke! Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: "Olive or twist?" Q: What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A: "Please, no stories!" Q. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? A. So the Irish would never rule the world! Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? A: The Holy Spirit! Q: What did the man with slab of asphalt under his arm order? A: "A beer please, and one for the road." Q: You know what's fun about being sober?A: Nothing. Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex! Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! Q: How many men does it take to open a Budweiser bottle? A: none. the lady should already have it open on the table! Q: How can you find the guy who drank a case of Coors Light? A: He's the one dancing like an asshole! Q: How do you know a man is really really gay? A: When he's nursing a Bacardi Breezer! Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a bottle of Jack Daniels? A: A guy will actually SEARCH for a bottle of Jack Daniels. Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of Miller Lite instead of one. Q: Why does Corona go through your system so fast? A: Because it does not have to stop to change color Q: How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A: He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay! Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light! Q: What is the similarity between Michelob Ultra and having sex in a rowboat? A: They are both SO close to water! Q: What do blondes and bottle of Corona have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up!Q: Why are Men like coolers? A: Load them with Bud Light, and you can take them anywhere! Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense! Q: Where do monkeys go to drink? A: The monkey bars! Q: Why don’t Democrats drink? A: It interferes with their suffering! Q: What happens when you cross a gynecologist drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and sexy blonde drinking Smirnoff Vodka? A: a "Pabst Smir!" Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street. Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean! Q: What does an alcoholic ghost drink? A: BOO'S I like the drinks part .... lol very funny though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefa Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Two soldiers sitting in there trench.one says to the other i need a piss .His m8 says ok but you aint pissin in here.So he mooches of into the distance.Bullits flying everywhere.Then half hour later.He comes back with the biggest smile on his face.His m8 says where u been.He said i met this lovely girl.Being obviously jealous he said did you kiss her.He replied oh yes all over.Oh he said did you do the dirty.With a grinn he replied ye.He said did she give you head.With witch he replied no she didnt have one :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedy57 Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kn_andre Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. :dribble: :dribble: :dribble: He saays to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" :rolleyes: "Are you nuts?!" :angry: she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. :rolleyes: "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" :angry: So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000 dollars?!" :rolleyes: She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars....; Ok, just once, but not here. Let 's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them. :dribble: The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?' "Nah," says the little old Jewish man ... :P "Costs too much!" :lol: :lol: :lol: Really ??? @Roger D how could you do this to me?? I thought we had something going on Strong together ?? I thought we were an Item ?? What about what Happens in Secret Stays in Secret ?? How Could you reveal this Story here in the Community that happened to me ?? So you were there and Secretly watching while that man was Touching my Breasts ?? I thought we agreed that you will keep all our Secrets as Secret ?? How could you do this to me ?? Now everybody knows a Jewish man Gropped my Breasts ... oh nooooooooooooooooooooo..... I can not bear this anymore .. You have Hurt me... @Roger D i respectfully demand to break up with you .... LoL .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger D Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) Really ??? @Roger D how could you do this to me?? I thought we had something going on Strong together ?? I thought we were an Item ?? What about what Happens in Secret Stays in Secret ?? How Could you reveal this Story here in the Community that happened to me ?? So you were there and Secretly watching while that man was Touching my Breasts ?? I thought we agreed that you will keep all our Secrets as Secret ?? How could you do this to me ?? Now everybody knows a Jewish man Gropped my Breasts ... oh nooooooooooooooooooooo..... I can not bear this anymore .. You have Hurt me... @Roger D i respectfully demand to break up with you .... LoL ....OMG :omg: Oops! sorry baby But as I had promised I never shared our private moments :wub: with anyone, :love: :love: . Don't do this again.. :beg:You know your absence and silence have made me the co-founder and President of Fappers Club.. :tooth: :lmao: :lmao:you don't know how it feels to be a fapper.. :P Plz baby come back.. :beg: . I won't do this again.. :nono: :nono: :nono: Edited October 29, 2013 by Roger D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 You know your absence and silence have made me the co-founder and President of Fappers Club.. :tooth: :lmao: :lmao:Hilarious! :flowers: :love: :w00t: :rofl: :fool: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.