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[JOTD] Joke of the day


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Lost in translation....

Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males and 2 females."

"How could you tell them apart, Joe? asked Charlie.

"Joe replied, "It was easy. The 3 males were sitting ono a case of beer, and the 2 females were on the phone."

 

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It was the middle of the night. Suddenly there was a loud rapping on the doctor’s door, followed by a groan.

 

The doctor angrily thrust his head out of the window. “WELL?” he shouted.


“No,” moaned the man. “Sick.”
 

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Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80.   

Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.

Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!

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A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxious to impress potential clients.

 

When he saw the first visitor to his office come through the door, he immediately picked up his phone and spoke into it," I'm sorry, but my caseload is so tremendous that I'm not going to be able to look into your problem for at least a month. I'll have to get back to you then."

 

He then turned to the man who had just walked in, and said, "Now, what can I do for you?"


"Nothing," replied the man. "I'm here to hook up your phone."
 

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The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.

"Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."
 

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"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."


"That's correct," says the defendant.


"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."


"That's correct," says the defendant.


"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.


The defendant replies, "It was easier than having to shoot a different man everyday!"
 

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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order Chicken Surprise. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.


"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.


He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.


Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.


"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"


The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."


"Ahh so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."
 

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Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in.

Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.

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