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[JOTD] Joke of the day


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Lost in translation....

Johnny's mother sees the young boy tiptoeing down the hall with a bucket of water.

She asks, "Johnny, why are you tiptoeing around with a bucket of water?"


Johnny answers, "Dad asked me to quietly wake him at five."
 

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My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” 

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

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A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It With Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
 

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Hid my earlier post, it was in poor taste. Apologies...

 

20.jpg

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Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
 

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My daughter wanted to go Goth and paint her toenails really dark.

 

I just lost it and screamed there is no way I would allow that in my house.

 

Spoiler

Apparently, I’m black toes intolerant.

 

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On 7/2/2020 at 10:00 PM, Karlston said:

Hid my earlier post, it was in poor taste. Apologies...

 

20.jpg

 

Old Mister Peabody?

 

 

 

:24 seconds in

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Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet

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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and aftereating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we wentout to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'


The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'


The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'


'Do you mean a rose?'


'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.

 

He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

 

Edited by aum
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An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth-control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
 

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A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."


"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."


"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile."

 

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