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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?"

 

The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such a question. But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer. So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees."


After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief.

 

"By the way, dear, why do you ask?" the father asks.


The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

 

Edited by aum
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Hebert was being examined by the family doctor who, after carefully examining said, "Yes, it is chronic evil which has deprived you of health and happiness."


"Shh!" cautioned Hebert.

 

"For heaven's sake doc, speak softly as the wife is sitting in the next room."

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In order to pay his medical school tuition, a student was working two jobs over the summer.

 

One was as a butcher's assistant and the other as a hospital orderly, both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.


One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"

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25.jpg

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A man was walking down a street in Washington.

A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"

The victim said, "You can't do this to me! I'm a Congressman!"

The robber thought for a moment, then said, "In that case, gimme all of MY money!"

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An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.

 

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."

 

She leaned forward.

 

"Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?"

 

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

 

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

 

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

 

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A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"


The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."


The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain’t horny, I’m homesick."

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moooooom

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport.

 

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it,circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.


People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma)airport and landed safely.


After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.


The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply.

 

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