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[JOTD] Joke of the day


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Lost in translation....

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must! be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

This is just so Epic ..... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :D :D :D :P :P

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When Fred found out he is going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father would die, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy all the money he would get.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother!

Hahahahahaha ......... So funny .... His wish turned Upside down !!! He wanted a Wife but instead got Stuck with a Step-Mother . :P :P .. Nice One ... Cheers....

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When Fred found out he is going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father would die, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy all the money he would get.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother!

Hahahahahaha ......... So funny .... His wish turned Upside down !!! He wanted a Wife but instead got Stuck with a Step-Mother . :P :P .. Nice One ... Cheers....

and no money..the step mom got it all... just thought you needed to see the most important part of the joke

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Old yet the classic one.. :)

An 8 year old boy is accused of rape*.
In court his lady lawyer holds his tool out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?
The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!" :tooth:
:tooth: :tooth:

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A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must! be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

Damn!! :D :D

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When Fred found out he is going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father would die, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy all the money he would get.

So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother!

:wtf: :rofl: :lmao:

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A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"

The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"

:P :P :P

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Dentist was removing a tooth of a lady

Dentist: Madam U r holding my balls.. :omg: :omg:

Lady: I know, its just to remind U that we r not going to hurt each other...! :P :P

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A white guy rubs an aladdins lamp and 2 blond genies appear. After asking for his three wishes the blonde genies simply tell him to sleep on it and all would be done tomorrow.

Next morning the white guy wakes up in a mansion with piles of cash 3 feet deep on the floor and a harem full of gorgeous beauties. Hardly believing his luck he hears the doorbell and goes to answer.

On opening the door he gets dragged out by 2 KKK members who promptly hang him to the nearest tree!

Walking away, the two KKK members take off their robes to reveal they were actually the 2 blond genies!

"I dont get this guy" says the first. " He asks for all this cool stuff like money and women. But why did he ask to be hung like a black man?"

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A man is sitting next to a woman who's trying to breast-feed her baby in a bus...
The baby refuses to suck the breast & the mother warns, "If you don't suck, i shall give it to the uncle next to me"... :P

The baby still refuses. After about 20 mins, the woman repeats the 'threat'...
The man clears his throat & says,
"Look, madam, you better make up your mind. I was suppose to get off six bus-stops ago!

:D :D :D

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Husband texts to wife on
cell..
"Hi,what r u doing
Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy
but types "Sweet Heart,
how can I live without
U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying
my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English
Language!! i-Fg0CS-Xq8.png :-Q

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Husband texts to wife on

cell..

"Hi,what r u doing

Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy

but types "Sweet Heart,

how can I live without

U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying

my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English

Language!! i-Fg0CS-Xq8.png :-Q

:D :D :rofl:

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