[JOTD] Joke of the day

[Timeover]

Two blondes are walking in the woods and come across a set of tracks. One looks at them and says "Wow, wolf tracks!"

The other looks down and scoffs. "Those are coyote tracks, not wolf tracks. Look at the size!"

"No they are not" says the first. "I've spent most of my life walking in these woods, and I know wolf tracks when I see them!"

They stand there arguing over the tracks for some time, and are eventually hit by a train.

[Timeover]

Wife: Honey, do I look fat in this dress?

Husband: Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?

Wife: No, silly. Of course not

Husband: I slept with your sister

[Timeover]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

[Timeover]

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's okay, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"

"Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing a tank top with short white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy replies, "It doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

[rudrax]

Our beloved admin "Lite" has took his fat very seriously this time and this is how he burns his fat :tehe:

[kmr1684]

Our beloved admin "Lite" has took his fat very seriously this time and this is how he burns his fat :tehe:

i really liked this, :lol: you made me laugh very well, :rofl: :lmao: thanks keep posting like this. :dribble:

[Chancer]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.

She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.” “Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

Wait for it….

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits ... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

[Timeover]

Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn't solve inequalities

[Timeover]

Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties, and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said "No more girls' night out! My wife came back with no panties!"

The other husband said "You think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read 'From all us at the fire station...we'll never forget you!'"

[Kalju]

The next step is that all children will be able to get only through Windows update channel.

It's completely free, and no one can refuse. Just do not have the box, where put a checkmark, if you do not want to become a child again or want to a bit later.
The only thing, that will save (protects You) - you must have a 3D printer, and if you do not already have it, then you do not get your children's till You have bought 3D printer. They will stay in Your computer and Microsoft develops them.

.

 

.

 

Edited April 14, 2017 by Kalju

[Timeover]

A cop stopped a guy for speeding

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.

He said, "There is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

[Chancer]

Guiseppe is a virile, highly-sexed Italian playboy. One day, he's sipping a fine Prosecco in a trendy Roman bar, when he gets talking to a stunning, tall blonde girl. Mid-twenties.

Anyway, they chat away and he finally asks her back to his penthouse. "You wanna come aback to-a my-a- place?" One thing leads to another and soon they're at it on his waterbed.

She thrashes and screams, looking like she's in sexual Nirvana. Guiseppe eventually says, "You finish?"

"No," she says.

He's a bit surprised by this, but anyway, he reaches out again to her, works away at her womanhood, gets her wet and goes again. More thrashing around and screaming follow, which culminates in a shudder from the girl.

"You finish?" says Guiseppe.

"No," says the girl.

Unabashed, he decides to go again! He gets himself hard and musters all his strength to penetrate and pump once more. Once again, she shakes and screams!

"You finish?" he says.

"No," says the girl once more, "I Swedish."

[rudrax]

A King enrolled his donkey in a race

& won.

Local paper read:

'KING's ASS WON'

The king was so upset with this kind

of publicity that he gave the donkey

to the queen.

The local paper then read:

"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN

TOWN"

The king fainted....

Queen sold the donkey to a farmer

for 10$.

Next day paper read:

"QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10"

The queen fainted...

The next day king ordered the queen

to buy back the donkey and leave it

in jungle.

The Next Headlines:

"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS

FREE & WILD"

The king died... !

[kmr1684]

man it is true upto 100% in today,s content, some people always there and they always do like these, even they never understand true meaning of what they are doing, even they defend it like a knuckle heads. anyway joke is a joke, its made my day man truly come on post something more like this.

ps: really twisted words you know what i mean :lol: :lmao: :rofl:

The Next Headlines:
"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS
FREE & WILD"
The king died... !

Edited August 27, 2015 by kmr1684

[Timeover]

Wife: What is 10 years with me?

Husband: A second.

Wife: What is $1000 for me?

Husband: A coin.

Wife: Okay give me a coin.

Husband: Wait a second.

[rudrax]

A PENIS is the lightest thing in the world. Even a thought can raise it.

[Timeover]

A couple wants to have a quickie...but their son is in the house. So they tell him to go out on the balcony and tell them what's going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing. He proceeds to the balcony and begins reporting what he sees. "Looks like the Jeffersons got a new dog." he said. "Oh! And the Alans are moving out." he exclaimed. "Look at that. Looks like the Johnsons are having sex." The couple stops dead. "How do you know the Johnsons are making love?" said the boys father. After a short pause he replies, "Becase their kid is out on the balcony."

[rudrax]

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, Heres something I have that youll never have! The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!

[rudrax]

Wife came in from a trip. While she was changing, husband noticed something marked in her thighs. After having a closer look he found that it was a tattoo where in the inner side of her left tigh was written "Merry Christmas" and in the inner side of the right tigh was written "Happy New Year". Being amazed the husband asked what was that all about. She giggled and replied, "Now you can never say that there's nothing to eat between Christmas and New Year" ?

[Chancer]

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Chancer

[Chancer]

A young couple, very much in love, retire to the bedchamber on their wedding night to consummate their nuptials.

Just before the magical moment, the lady says, "Steve, there's something I have to tell you. I have to confess that several years ago, I used to work as a hooker."

"That's OK, my darling," said Steve, "I actually find that quite erotic."

"Well," she replied, "my name was Clive and I played for Wigan."

[Chancer]

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes'.

[rudrax]

No comments..

[rudrax]

[rudrax]

Edited September 11, 2015 by rudrax