lurch234 Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 What King Tut would wear if he came back to life in Texas... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kn_andre Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 What King Tut would wear if he came back to life in Texas... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I would not dare ride with him in his Chariot if he was wearing one of this .... :huh: :huh: :huh: :huh: :huh: It would Surely Scare the Heck out of me .... :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: :unsure: Cheers for sharing .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
humble3d Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time.""Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?""Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chancer Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 She: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower!He: Why? Everybody pees in the shower.She: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timeover Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 He: Honey, you don't need make-up to be beautifulShe: Oh, thanks honey your so sweet~He: A face-transplant is what you need! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Snake catching a mouse!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tharixxx Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 OH YEAH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chancer Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 This will make more sense to my UK compatriots;THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A YORKSHIRE GIRL!......Three friends married women from different parts of the world...The first man married a Greek girl.He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai girl.He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better.By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. ....The third man married a girl from Yorkshire.He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table every day. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either,...... but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down,he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.He still has some difficulty when he urinates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 Best is ViagRa, Voluntary Retirement! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kn_andre Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: LoL galore ............ :D :D :D :D :D :D :D Cheers for sharing .. Edited May 6, 2014 by kn_andre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Ceiling art in smoking room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 President Idi Amin called his Foreign Minister and told him that he wanted to change the name of UGANDA to IDI.The Hon. Minister was tasked to canvas world opinion and return to the Field Marshal in two weeks.He did not do so and was summoned and asked to explain.He said "Mr. President, I have been reliably informed that there is a country called Cyprus and its citizens are called Cypriots. Do you still want to change our country's name from Uganda to IDI?Amin decided not to and the rest is history. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARMOUR Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) What a beautiful posing;; :D :D :D :D Edited May 11, 2014 by ARMOUR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Thailand has the highest no.of prostitutes...what else can you expect;the country's name isTHIGH LAND,capital isBANG COCK, &tourist-spot is calledFUK ET !!!! :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Birthday Card Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 One of my employees (a delivery driver who's black) sent me this a while back and said " Y'all motherf*****s dispatched me to the wrong neighborhood." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcs18 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Ignorance is truly blissful. :sneaky: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calguyhunk Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kmr1684 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Ignorance is truly blissful. :sneaky:hello master when i try to open your shortcut i got nothing it says page is missing you are welcome to search it so what it is really. :rolleyes: -_- :s Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudrax Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 @kmr1684, that was due to deletion of the post by the mods for trying to defy forum rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Ignorance is truly blissful. :sneaky:hello master when i try to open your shortcut i got nothing it says page is missing you are welcome to search it so what it is really. :rolleyes: -_- :s :rolleyes: Here's the Blissful Troll Post! :P Courtsey : Google Cache! :king: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 ENGLAND WORLD CUP JOKES!1. Roy Hodgson has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try and cheer fans up. If we beat them then we go on to play Tesco's and then Sainsbury's. 2. A man goes to a brothel and says, " I have £40 will you humiliate me please." The Madam replies, "Here put on this England shirt!" 3. Teacher to class, "What does your Dad do at the Weekends?" A little boy replies, " He is a dancer at a Gay club, and sometimes, if the money s right, he lets punters ban his a**e. The teacher takes the kid outside, "Is that True?"" No Miss, It's bollocks. He is the goalkeeper for England, but I am too embarrassed to say." 4. The England team went to visit an orphanage in Brazil this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible." said Emilio Di Costa aged 6 5. The England game will be moved to the Gay Adult TV channel next week as the screening of eleven arse holes being hammered for 90 minutes is considered too explicit for ITV 6. My girlfriend came home early last night and nearly caught me looking at the England game. Luckily I managed to put porn on and get my c**k out in time to save any embarrassment. 7. SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS:!!! It has been announced that this years shirt sponsor for ENGLAND will be TAMPAX. A spokesman said, " To sponsor a load of cunts going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about." 8. Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. 9. Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A: A Referee. 10. Q: Why was Roy Hodgson speeding? A: To get three points. 11. Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog? A: Because they can't hold on to a lead. 12. Illusionist David Blaine was heartbroken that the record he got for doing nothing in a box for 42 days had been beaten by Wayne Rooney in the 2010 WC. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Neymar goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*t and we can't be bothered". Neymar looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub." (he says in Portuguese). So Neymar goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows "Brazil 1 (Neymar 10 minutes) - England 0 " He is beating England all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on. "Result from the Estadio Do Maracana : Brazil 1(Neymar 10 minutes) - England 1 (Rooney 89 minutes)." They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against England!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down" "Don't be stupid, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!" "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes" :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 RULES FOR WOMEN (NON FOOTBALL FANS) DURING THE WORLD CUP! 1. If I hear you say Cristiano Ronaldo is hot. Get out. 2. When the World Cup is on, the TV is mine. Eastenders, Corrie and Hollyoaks can do one. 3. I will most likely have a bet on so if you see me annoyed or upset if one of my teams is losing, don't you dare say:- It's only a game!- Get over it.- Don't worry, baby, they will win next time.Any one of the above rules will result in a breakup or divorce. 4. Having sex unless oral whilst I'm watching the game is out of bounds. You don'y do it normally so don't do it just to get my attention. 5. Replays are very important. I don't care if I have seen it. If needs be, I will rewind it and watch the game again. 6. Tell all your female friends not to get married, give birth or die during the World Cup, COZ I AIN'T GOING 7. You are welcome to watch the game as long as you are silent. 8. Don't ask me what the offside rule is. The answer will be... You being out of the kitchen. 9. The referee is always a wanker. 10. If you hear my scream your name, be ready to:- Grab me a drink- Make me a sandwich- Get me new batteries for the remote If any of the above are breached or not followed, you will:1st breach: Receive a warning2nd breach: Be told to get out of the room3rd breach: Breakup or divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimRock Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.