[JOTD] Joke of the day

[kn_andre]

Oh Snap !!!!!!!!!!!!! Did not know Someone could get "Knocked up" from Twerking ??? This lady has a Baby after Twerking with Mr Michelin. I remember seeing Miley Cyrus Twerking with Santa in Amazing Pictures of the day. So, Lets Wait and see what happens to Miley Cyrus After 9 Month !!! :P :P ... Cheers @STEEL for sharing .. Made me LoL ..

[kn_andre]

It was Father John's "the last night of the year" bath, and a new, youngnun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just theway her superior nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was alsoinstructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it,do whatever he told her to do, and pray.The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturdaynight bath had gone."Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved.""Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun."Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to washhim, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between hislegs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.""Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key toHeaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and Iwould be assured salvation and eternal peace. Then Father John guidedhis Key to Heaven into my lock.""Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly."At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway tosalvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swellmy heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.""That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it wasGabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years."

Mega LoL ... Cheers

[SlimRock]

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" :naughty:
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." :hug:
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." :eek:
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" :protest:
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." :lol: :rofl: :lmao:

[Turk]

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone

under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him

'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody

under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.. 'Come

talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of

those fears...'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the

doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you

come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful

lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have

saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask,

did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'

[Archimede]

Today you look quite apathetic!

You know what apathetic means, right?

No, and I don't even care!

[dMog]

Today you look quite apathetic!

You know what apathetic means, right?

No, and I don't even care!

???

[Archimede]

I did not know that to post jokes here one should also post the "Joke Manual"... ;)

What is there not to get about that joke?

If you know what apathetic means you should have no problem to get the meaning... In case you don't (see spoiler)

An apathetic person is someone who does not care about anything ;)

[SlimRock]

Today you look quite apathetic!

You know what apathetic means, right?

No, and I don't even care!

???

He's Still celebrating 2014! :lol:

[STEEL]

:lol:

[Yorel]

:lol:

:wtf:

[Turk]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her

ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands

together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around

in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physio-therapist and I know I could

relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man

replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping

his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently

took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and

put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for

several long moments then asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It really feels great, but my thumb still hurts!!!"

[dMog]

Today you look quite apathetic!

You know what apathetic means, right?

No, and I don't even care!

???

He's Still celebrating 2014! :lol:

actually i have still not stopped celebrations from 2010...what can i say... it was a hell of a good new years eve party

[Archimede]

actually i have still not stopped celebrations from 2010...what can i say... it was a hell of a good new years eve party

Hehehe that's a good one ;) Tell us when you are back so that we can stop adding "Joke Manuals" for you, lol.

[SlimRock]

actually i have still not stopped celebrations from 2010...what can i say... it was a hell of a good new years eve party

Hehehe that's a good one ;) Tell us when you are back so that we can stop adding "Joke Manuals" for you, lol.

:rofl: :lmao:

[kn_andre]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her

ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands

together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around

in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physio-therapist and I know I could

relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man

replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping

his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently

took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and

put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for

several long moments then asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It really feels great, but my thumb still hurts!!!"

Next time when you are Hurt, Hold up the Exact Place that Hurts for people to See .. Don't put it to your Groin Area ... Sick man !!! Why did he not Stop the lady when she was was Loosening his Pants? Why did he not Stop her when she Placed her hand inside ? After Enjoy her Expert Hands massage you want make he look Bad ?? Damnnnnnnnnn .. Wish i could kick his ...... :P :P ... Cheers @Turk ... Edited January 3, 2014 by kn_andre

[STEEL]

Edited January 2, 2014 by STEEL

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[SlimRock]

:lmao:

[Turk]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a

large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $20.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you

first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and

sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living

room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then

thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended

but then began to laugh about the situation

considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!"

[x_engineer_x]

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

[dMog]

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

i actually know people like this

[kn_andre]

I can not even begin to imagine how he can get Pineapples up his " Rear End " ... Seriously Pineapples ?????? :P :P :P .. Mega LoL ... It was so Funny, it Cost Bob his Life :P ...... Cheers @STEEL

Edited January 3, 2014 by kn_andre

[kn_andre]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted alarge, beautiful parrot..There was a sign on the cage that said $20.00."Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell youfirst that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution andsometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her livingroom and waited for it to say something.The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,"New house, new madam."The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but thenthought "that's really not so bad."When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,"New house, new madam, new girls."The girls and the woman were a bit offendedbut then began to laugh about the situationconsidering how and where the parrot had been raised.Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.The bird looked at him and said,"Hi, Keith!"

Bursted !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is Karma really a Smart A$$ Little Bird ??? LoL ... Cheers

[kn_andre]

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

i actually know people like this

Yet people don't get it why Esau abandoned his Heritage for a Pot of Stew ..... Cheers