[JOTD] Joke of the day

[Turk]

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a

young drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've

seen it all before.

Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out ."

I said, "My wife says my dick tastes funny..."

[kn_andre]

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young drop-dead gorgeous blonde!I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before.Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out ."I said, "My wife says my dick tastes funny..."

LoL ... Boys and their " Toys " ... Hmmmmmm .... They would do Practically Anything - either Hook or Crook to get a free " Ride " ... But Guys how about someone here tries this in Real life ??? When Next Any of you Naughty Boys Goes to the Hospital, and your been Checked by a Blonde Doctor .. How About you Pull this Stunt on the Blonde Doctor and See if she would fall for your Trick and gives you what you want ...... Funny ... Thanks for sharing .. Cheers ...

[Turk]

I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young drop-dead gorgeous blonde!I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before.Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out ."I said, "My wife says my dick tastes funny..."

LoL ... Boys and their " Toys " ... Hmmmmmm .... They would do Practically Anything - either Hook or Crook to get a free " Ride " ... But Guys how about someone here tries this in Real life ??? When Next Any of you Naughty Boys Goes to the Hospital, and your been Checked by a Blonde Doctor .. How About you Pull this Stunt on the Blonde Doctor and See if she would fall for your Trick and gives you what you want ...... Funny ... Thanks for sharing .. Cheers ...

The rest of the "real" story:

After checking it out she said " Your wife should be a dumb blonde"

"I" could barely reply her " No, she is a brunette"

Since then she still checks it out twice a week!

Cheers :)

[speedy57]

LoL ... Boys and their " Toys " ... Hmmmmmm .... They would do Practically Anything - either Hook or Crook to get a free " Ride " ... But Guys how about someone here tries this in Real life ??? When Next Any of you Naughty Boys Goes to the Hospital, and your been Checked by a Blonde Doctor .. How About you Pull this Stunt on the Blonde Doctor and See if she would fall for your Trick and gives you what you want ...... Funny ... Thanks for sharing .. Cheers ...

Young drop-dead gorgeous blonde doctor don't exist in the real life ! That's the problem ! :P

P.S. Are you doctor ? :naughty:

[kn_andre]

LoL ... Boys and their " Toys " ... Hmmmmmm .... They would do Practically Anything - either Hook or Crook to get a free " Ride " ... But Guys how about someone here tries this in Real life ??? When Next Any of you Naughty Boys Goes to the Hospital, and your been Checked by a Blonde Doctor .. How About you Pull this Stunt on the Blonde Doctor and See if she would fall for your Trick and gives you what you want ...... Funny ... Thanks for sharing .. Cheers ...

Young drop-dead gorgeous blonde doctor don't exist in the real life ! That's the problem ! :P

P.S. Are you doctor ? :naughty:

Really ???? Who told you that young hot Blonde Doctors Doesn't Exist ??? Seriously, which part of the World do you live in ??? When was the last time you Visited a Hospital ??? And for your Question if am a Doctor ???? I guess the Real Question is - Do you want me to Give you a " Real " Check up ?

[lurch234]

[SlimRock]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[SlimRock]

So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40. A cop pulls her over and says, “Ma’am, can I please see your license?”
She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”
His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”
She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.” “Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.”
He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…
Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window.
“Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.
“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.
He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.
“Can I see the registration to this car?”
She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.
“Ma’am, stand back!”
He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches, but it was completely empty…
The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[Roger D]

Theory of Self Satisfaction.. :lol:

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Edited December 9, 2013 by Roger D

[SlimRock]

A Boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialed the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"


Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!! :lol:

[Roger D]

:P :P :P

[Turk]

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the

mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When

he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the

whole family there who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on

his way with a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an

18-carat gold box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old

Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house a blonde in her lingerie met him at the door.

She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where

she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever

experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed

him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles

and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she

poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5

note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just

too wonderful for words," he said, but what's the $5 for?"

Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that

today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for

you".

"I asked him what to give you".

He said, "F-k him. Give him five bucks."

She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[SlimRock]

[kn_andre]

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the

mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When

he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the

whole family there who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on

his way with a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an

18-carat gold box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old

Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house a blonde in her lingerie met him at the door.

She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where

she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever

experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed

him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles

and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she

poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5

note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just

too wonderful for words," he said, but what's the $5 for?"

Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that

today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for

you".

"I asked him what to give you".

He said, "F-k him. Give him five bucks."

She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea."

I told you all that Blondes were the BEST !!! What more can you ask from a Loyal Wife ?? Only Blondes Can Follow your Instructions down to the last Letter .. Heck, she even added her own idea by making him Breakfast ... LoL ... What a Lucky Little Devil that Postman is ..... Nice one @Turk .... You really are getting my Attention ..... Cheers

[Lyon275]

:P :P :P

:rofl: :lol:

[STEEL]

[STEEL]

[Turk]

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily

and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

[SlimRock]

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local teazerz.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand.

Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender,

"Would you like a drink?" But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?" :lol:

[kn_andre]

:P :P :P

:P :P :P

This is a Lesson for you Guys - Be careful for what you Wish for, because you might Get it, though maybe not as Exactly as you had Imagined it.... LoL ... Cheers..

Edited December 11, 2013 by kn_andre

[kn_andre]

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local teazerz.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand.

Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender,

"Would you like a drink?" But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?" :lol:

Hahahahah ... She got Busted ... But hei, Lets not Blame her that Much .. It Only Shows that we are All Human - No Matter what type of Dress we put on or our Job Designation .... Nice one @slimrock ..... Cheers..

[SlimRock]

[STEEL]