Disco Bob Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 phen0men4, flash13, funkyy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Doctor : How is ur headache ? Patient : she's out of town august_rain, PLASMA, TrojanK and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror! aum, TrojanK, flash13 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old." By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday." TrojanK, Karlston, flash13 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?" funkyy, august_rain, TrojanK and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere." august_rain, funkyy, Karlston and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 aum, flash13, august_rain and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 TrojanK, Krinal, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 Karlston and Krinal 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainmaker Posted November 17, 2020 Share Posted November 17, 2020 // R flash13, TrojanK, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 august_rain, flash13 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 scarabou, august_rain, flash13 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house. She'll be happy to know I got the hint. I got her a magazine rack! Karlston, flash13, august_rain and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 august_rain, Krinal, Karlston and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!" august_rain and TrojanK 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation." flash13, august_rain and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 18, 2020 Share Posted November 18, 2020 (edited) Edited November 18, 2020 by Karlston emlarged image flash13, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted November 18, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 18, 2020 phen0men4, Adenman, Krinal and 5 others 5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher, "let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one is too skinny. What else have you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You'd better give me both of them!" flash13, Karlston and august_rain 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings... One by one... As each relative goes home. august_rain, Krinal, flash13 and 3 others 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krinal Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years.” “Feeling Safe”, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do anything,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ‘em.” flash13, TrojanK and august_rain 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 Karlston, august_rain, scarabou and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 3 hours ago, aum said: Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings... One by one... As each relative goes home. The art of hospitality is making guests feel like they're at home, while wishing they were. Krinal, TrojanK, scarabou and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post scarabou Posted November 19, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 19, 2020 Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough. flash13, Krinal, Karlston and 4 others 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post PLASMA Posted November 19, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted November 19, 2020 Dedicated to the "Smash That Like Button" Boy! Krinal, Karlston, phen0men4 and 4 others 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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