[JOTD] Joke of the day

March 1

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March 1

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March 1

A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.

To this his friend responds "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

March 1

[If Noah Built an Ark in 2011]

And lo, in the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me." "Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. "He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but there was no ark.

"Noah! I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."

"I needed a building permit."

"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."

"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."

"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."

"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

March 3

Once upon a time, there was a curious little girl with a mind full of questions about the world around her.

One quiet afternoon, while sitting at the kitchen table with her mother, she looked up from her coloring book with wide, inquisitive eyes and asked, “Mommy, where did people come from? How did the human race actually begin?”

Her mother paused for a moment, a gentle smile gracing her lips. She chose her words carefully, wanting to provide an answer rooted in faith and tradition. “Well, my darling,” she said softly, “God created the very first man and woman, Adam and Eve. They had children, and their children had children, and that is how all of mankind came to be.”

The little girl nodded, satisfied with this clear and divine explanation. However, a few days later, while her father was reading the newspaper in the living room, the same question bubbled up in her mind again. She climbed onto his lap and asked, “Daddy, how did the human race come about? Where did the first people come from?”

Her father lowered his paper, adjusting his glasses as he considered the question from a more scientific perspective. “Well, sweetheart,” he began thoughtfully, “that happened a very long time ago. Originally, there were monkeys and apes. Over millions of years, we evolved and developed from them into the humans we are today.”

The little girl thanked him, but as she walked away, her brow furrowed in deep confusion. She spent the rest of the day trying to reconcile the two very different stories. One spoke of divine creation, while the other spoke of primates and evolution. The contradiction weighed heavily on her young mind until she finally decided she needed clarity.

She returned to the kitchen, where her mother was preparing dinner, and looked up at her with a troubled expression. “Mommy,” she said hesitantly, “I don’t understand. When I asked you, you told me that the human race was created by God. But when I asked Papa, he said we developed from monkeys. How can both of those things be true?”

Her mother stopped what she was doing and wiped her hands on her apron. She looked down at her daughter with a knowing twinkle in her eye and a calm, reassuring voice.

“Well, dear,” she replied smoothly, “it is actually very simple to explain. I was telling you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father was telling you about his.”