Karlston Posted January 21 Share Posted January 21 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 kmr1685, ducky88 and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away." The second lady said, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs, and I can't remember whether I was on my up, or on my way down." The third lady chimed in, "Well, I'm glad I don't have those problems. Knock on wood." With that, she rapped her knuckles on the table, then said, "That must be the door. I'll get it." TrojanK, funkyy, Adenman and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can't laugh at yourself, call me and i will laugh at you. ducky88, funkyy and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 Askhole: A Person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them. Adenman, TrojanK and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 I'm actually a very nice person… Until you piss me off. Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 ducky88 and kmr1685 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 I was sitting at a bar with a friend the other night when he casually pointed across the bar from us and said, "see those two old drunks sitting there... that's going to be us in ten years." I looked and him and said, "that's a mirror stupid!" ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?” Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.” ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, "Hey Ma, I'm gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?" "Yeah, Pa, but you'd better write it down or you'll forget", says Grandma. Grandpa replies, "I won't forget." "Alright then", says Grandma, "I'd like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine. You'd better write that down, Pa you're gonna forget it." Disgruntled, Grandpa storms off to the kitchen mumbling that he wouldn't forget. Well he's in there a long time, and when he finally does return, he has the best lookin' plate of scrambled eggs you ever saw. He smiles his best smile and leans over to give it to Grandma. She just smiles back and says, "I told you that you'd better write it down, you old coot, you forgot my bacon!" Karlston, Adenman and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 A plumber received a call from a woman, requesting his help with a leaky pipe in her apartment. When he arrived, he was pleasantly surprised to find that the woman was quite attractive and had a stunning figure. As the afternoon progressed, the two grew increasingly close and intimate. Around 5:30 p.m., the phone rang, interrupting their passionate rendezvous. The woman answered the call and then informed the plumber, "That was my husband. He's on his way home, but he'll be heading back to the office around 8 p.m. If you come back then, we can continue where we left off." The union plumber stared at the woman in disbelief and responded, "What? On my own time?" Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now." ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 ducky88, funkyy and sandman117 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted January 31 Share Posted January 31 A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it? The horses name is Friday Adenman, Karlston and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 ducky88 and TrojanK 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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