Karlston Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 Henry was playing in his grandmothers garden when she comes out and trips on his sand bucket. Irritated she kicks it out of the way. "Yay!! We're going to Disney Land!!" yells Henry. "What nonsense are you saying!?" Grandma asks. "Daddy said we would go to Disney Land when Grandma kicks the bucket!" he replies. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 lurch234 and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A: A desserter. Adenman, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're going to send you home tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you like." Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife. "Doris, you'll never believe it! I'm completely well. I have no worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love like you've never had before - wild, passionate sex! You'll love it!" Doris thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard about active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on my conscience if you die while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything was okay, maybe I would have such sex with you." Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I'll write the note. Let's see, here's my prescription pad: 'Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-old lad, and can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz.' Now, I'll just address this. By the way, Sol, what's your wife's first name?" "Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May Concern'?" Adenman, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 6 hours ago, Karlston said: Spoiler "A warriors plant" Says the Klingon who drinks prune juice... Karlston and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 (edited) @haris_sane69 ok, I'm going to embarrass myself...I've looked at this for a couple of days and I don't get it. Someone please enlighten me. EDIT:- I'm referring to the "Math" cartoon. Edited February 7 by funkyy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 14 minutes ago, funkyy said: @haris_sane69 ok, I'm going to embarrass myself...I've looked at this for a couple of days and I don't get it. Someone please enlighten me. EDIT:- I'm referring to the "Math" cartoon. "18-9, 8 is less than 9 so you....borrow 1 from 1" "What was it again...? 18-9?" Hope you got it Karlston, aum and sandman117 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 @haris_sane69 Nope...I guess I'm a lost cause..so I'm gonna enter myself in the Stupidity Olympics...Gold medal guaranteed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 1 hour ago, funkyy said: Nope...I guess I'm a lost cause..so I'm gonna enter myself in the Stupidity Olympics...Gold medal guaranteed. Don't feel bad, I didn't get it either at first. And I have a Maths degree (yes really). It's the way we're taught to do subtraction by hand... 9 from 8 won't go so we have to borrow 10 from the tens column making it 9 from 18 (8 + the borrowed 10). But that's the original problem to be solved, so doesn't help. So, the technique reduces the problem to itself, and to continue just means getting into an infinite loop. funkyy, haris_sane69 and vitorio 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 ducky88, TrojanK and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 @Karlston My life is an infinite loop. lol But yes, I remember those days in primary school when we did mental Arithmetic and I still use it when doing written long number subtractions. I must be getting slow(er) in my old age 'cos I didn't get the joke. In my youth I dreamed of being an elder statesman... now I'm just elderly and in a state lol. aum, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke. funkyy, Adenman, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 4 hours ago, Karlston said: Don't feel bad, I didn't get it either at first. And I have a Maths degree (yes really). It's the way we're taught to do subtraction by hand... 9 from 8 won't go so we have to borrow 10 from the tens column making it 9 from 18 (8 + the borrowed 10). But that's the original problem to be solved, so doesn't help. So, the technique reduces the problem to itself, and to continue just means getting into an infinite loop. We need to change the paradigm. Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 A man was on the very top diving board of a swimming pool. He was poised, he lifted his arms, and was about to dive in when the attendant came running up, shouting, “Don’t dive, there’s no water in that pool!” “That’s all right!” said the man. “I can’t swim!” Adenman, Karlston, funkyy and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Little Johnny what is your problem?" Little Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Little Johnny to the principal's office. While Little Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Little Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Little Johnny: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Little Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Little Johnny can go to the third-grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Little Johnny both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Little Johnny, after a moment, "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! Little Johnny replied, "Pockets." Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Little Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Little Johnny: Coconut The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Little Johnny was taking charge. Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? Little Johnny: Bubblegum Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Little Johnny: Shake hands Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Little Johnny: Yep. Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Little Johnny: Tent Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. Principal was looking restless and bit tense. Little Johnny: Wedding Ring Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Little Johnny: Nose Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Little Johnny: Arrow Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement? Little Johnny: Firetruck The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Little Johnny in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself." ducky88, funkyy and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 A wealthy man died and went to heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold. They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street. Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.“This belongs to you,” said Saint Peter. “Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in?” the man demanded. “We did the best we could with the money you sent us!” Saint Peter replied. ducky88, funkyy and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 funkyy, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!" funkyy, TrojanK, Adenman and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, "Hey, you just went through a red light." The guy driving says, "Don't worry about it. My brother does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, "Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?" The guy driving tells his friend, "Don't worry about it. My brother does this all the time." They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, "What the heck? You're going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out." The guy driving screams back at him, "I'm telling you: don't worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time." So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, "Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?" The guy driving looks at his friend and says, "I had to stop; my brother might have been coming." ducky88, funkyy and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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aum Posted February 8 Share Posted February 8 Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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