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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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Husband And Wife Had A Fight.

Wife Called Mom : He Fought With Me Again, I Am Coming To You.

Mom : No Dear, He Must Pay For His Mistake, I Am Coming To Stay With U!

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Man: I want to share everything with you. 

Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with wife or a mistress.

 

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

 

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

 

The engineer said, "I like both."


"Both?" they asked.


Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
 

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Harvey comes home late at night, drunk as a skunk. He staggers into the bedroom and wakes his sleeping wife, “Ellie, wake up! You’ll never believe this!”

“What happened?” Ellie replies sleepily. - “I just went to the bathroom and guess what, the light switched itself on, all by itself. And as I was going out, the light went off again, I didn’t have to do anything! Am I getting superpowers or what!” 

Emily groans, “Come on, Harvey! You filthy animal, I bet you just went and peed in the fridge again!” 

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So, Mr. Tweedly, do you sleep by an open window, like I recommended?” a doctor checks with his patient.

“I do, doc, just like you told me.”

“And those coughs have disappeared now?”

“Not really, no, so far the only things to disappear were my cellphone and notebook.

(short Funny)

Edited by Rajeshl
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I’m feeling quite confident about that job interview.

The interviewer said they want somebody responsible. “Oh I’m totally your man,” I told her, “whatever problem came up at my last job, they always said I was responsible!

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Doctor: “Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.”

Mrs. Smith: “Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant?!”

Doctor: “I only said that it seems so. Here's our weight loss brochure.”  Source

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Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."

The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"

Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here."

With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.

The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"

Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.

The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"

Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"
 

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. 

For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? 

To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"

"What is the problem?"

"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"   Source

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