humble3d Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batu69 Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Quote A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VileTouch Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up". Sure, they said, you’re welcome. So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?" I’m a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!”. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here". So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. "This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom". "Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!! The bitch!" He turned to the hit man. “How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you: One thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" “Sure, what do you want?” "First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's supposed to be a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. “Are you gonna do it or not?" asked the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly . . . . . "I think I can save ya a grand here." Edited June 28, 2016 by VileTouch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VileTouch Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 my apologies, but I think "Joke of the Day" the best place to put this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 here's mine for you guys I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recruit Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Real happenstance from my country : A policeman to a car accident was asked by the press if there are any victims ....... The policeman replied : No, unfortunately not.............. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Well I laughed really hard on this one today: There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people Push and Pull Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsyboy Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Better Job After practicing law for several months, I was talking with my brother, John, a doctor. "My work is so exciting," I said. "People come into my office, tell me their problems and pay me for my advice." As older brothers will, John took the upper hand. "You know," he said, "in my work, people come into my office, tell me their problems, take off all their clothes and then pay me for my advice." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsyboy Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor… A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant. “No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsyboy Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 My Son’s #1 Concern When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife" Then they both ran away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 My Girlfriend Left a Note On The Fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore. I am going to my Mom's place" I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted September 9, 2016 Share Posted September 9, 2016 How do you milk sheep? With iPhone accessories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cre8ive Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Wanna hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnakeMasteR Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jofre Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jofre Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Mary and Abbey. Mary and Abbey who? Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jofre Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a Merry Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jofre Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) Knock! Knock! Who’s there?Ken. Ken who?Ken you let me in. Edited September 16, 2016 by jofre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Did you hear that shocking news about Yahoo? Apparently they still have 500 million users Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffDunhill Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Nobody posted any joke in here in a long time Here's one: The director of EA walks into a bar Download the punchline for only 4.99 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudrax Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 ? A frustrated husband in front of his laptop: dear google, please do not behave like my wife... Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting ?? ? A married man's prayer; Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away U gave me youth, u took it away. U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding u......?? ? ?? ? Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today. Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling?? Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.. Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that?? Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero. ? A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months. Was the necklace FAKE? Nooooo! That was the deal ??? ? A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat." Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home. Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook. ??? LAST BUT THE BEST ? Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt : "Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed" ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archimede Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 rudrax you rock! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsyboy Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 Blessed Are The Red-Necked “What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor. “I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba. The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?” “I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsyboy Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 E-mail Addresses It Would Be Annoying To Give Out Loud [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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