Karlston Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 funkyy, lurch234, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 (edited) Edited February 1 by haris_sane69 funkyy, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 A wife is having sex with her husband's best friend one day. Soon the phone rings, so she answers it. "Yes... uh, huh... OK... yes... bye." Her husband's best friend says: "Who was it?" "That was my husband," she replied. The man jumped out of bed, and tried to put on his clothes in a hurry. "Relax," said the wife. "He just called to tell me he was out playing golf with you" Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 An idiot was taking sky-diving lessons. The instructor explained that it was time for his first jump, and all he had to do was jump from the plane, count to six, and pull the rip cord. A truck would be waiting for him in the field where he would land. The man jumped from the plane when he was told to, and counted to six. When he pulled the rip cord, the parachute wouldn't open. He tried the reserve chute and that didn't open. Frustrated, he muttered to himself as he fell, "I'll bet the damn truck won't be waiting for me either." Adenman and ducky88 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Wandering dejectedly in The Garden of Eden, Eve told God, "I'm lonely I'm tired of eating apples by myself." "Okay," God said, "I'll create a man for you." Eve said, "A man! What's that?" "He's a creature with aggressive tendencies and an enormous ego. He won't listen very well, he'll get lost easily, but never stop to ask for directions. However, he is big and strong, he can open jars and hunt animals. And he'll be fun in bed." "Sounds great!" said Eve. "Oh, and one more thing," God said. "He will want to believe that I made him first." Adenman, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, ‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’ She says, ‘I was in bed.’ ‘In bed this early, doing what?’ ‘Getting a second opinion!’ ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 (edited) Edited February 2 by lurch234 TrojanK, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 TrojanK, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 ducky88 and lurch234 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 One night a husband and wife were sleeping and suddenly the wife woke up. "Honey, wake up! I think there’s a burglar downstairs, and it sounds like they're eating the cake I made!” said the wife. Half asleep, the husband answers, "So should I call the police or the ambulance?” Adenman, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could Barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and The light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh Cr@@@@p, Am I Driving?” Karlston, Adenman and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. The husband looks up from his coffee, “I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. Do you remember back then?” he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. “Yes, I do”, she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in my car?” ‘Yes, I remember”, says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?” ‘I remember that also”, she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have been released today if only I took the right decision!” ducky88 and Adenman 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Harry Truman was known for his blunt manner of speaking. When he made a speech at the Washington Garden Club, he kept referring to the "good manure" that needed to be used on the flowers. Some society women complained to his wife, Bess. "Couldn't you get the President to say 'fertilizer'?" they asked. Mrs. Truman replied, "Heavens, no! It took me twenty-five years to get him to say 'manure.'" Adenman, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!" "That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts. "That's a lion!" answered a little boy. "Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?" Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!" ducky88, Karlston and Adenman 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?" Adenman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 ducky88, aum and lurch234 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 Spoiler How reassuring!! lol!! Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 20 hours ago, haris_sane69 said: Need to know this to understand the answer of the Gennie: Dragon Balls are the namesake artifact of the Dragon Ball series. They are orange, crystalline spheres with the ability to call forth the Eternal Dragon Shenron which has the ability to grant wishes to anyone who gathers all seven of them. Edited February 4 by vitorio haris_sane69, lurch234 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential." ducky88, Adenman and funkyy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." Adenman, TrojanK, ducky88 and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 ducky88, lurch234 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haris_sane69 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Karlston, ducky88, lurch234 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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