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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"
 
The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family."
 
The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"
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A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.


The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."


The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."


The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.


The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.


One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."


The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.


"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."


"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

 

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There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

 

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

 

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

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A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if -"

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

 

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A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.


'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.


The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.


'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.


Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.


'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'


'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

 

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