aum Posted November 28, 2022 Share Posted November 28, 2022 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 28, 2022 Share Posted November 28, 2022 TrojanK, ducky88, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 28, 2022 Share Posted November 28, 2022 funkyy, ducky88 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 28, 2022 Share Posted November 28, 2022 ducky88, TrojanK, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 A father of six children had been out of work for six months. In desperation, he was reading through the want ads in the paper and came across an ad for someone to work at the zoo. The man called the zoo and asked if he could have the job, but was told that he would need to come in for an interview. The next day he went to the interview, but before beginning, he was told by his potential employer that he would need to raise his hand to the square and promise that the proceedings of the interview would be kept confidential, whether he got the job or not. The man reluctantly took the oath, then asked what this job and oath were all about. The zoo owner asked the man what he thought the zoo's main attraction was. Without hesitation the man replied, 'Everyone knows that. It's the big ape!' 'Well,' said the zoo owner, 'this is the part you cannot divulge, because we would lose our business. The big ape died, and we need to keep it a secret by putting the ape skin on someone who can imitate the ape--at least until the new ape arrives in three months.' 'That's me!' said the man. 'I can do that! I was a gymnast in high school and college.' The zoo owner then challenged the man to audition by acting like an ape. The man assumed crouched position and began running, jumping, and swinging around the room, imitating the actions and sounds of an ape. 'Wow! You're really good!' said the owner, and immediately gave the man the job. The next day the man, dressed as the ape, went into the cage and was an instant hit. Everyone heard how the ape was preforming and came to the zoo to see him. The crowds got bigger and bigger as time went by, and the front page of the paper proclaimed, 'The ape has gone ape!' About two months before the new ape was to arrive, the man had about five hundred people in front of his cage, and he was waxing eloquent. He was flipping and jumping and swinging everywhere, when all of a sudden, at the top of a swing, his rope broke and threw him into the lion's cage. He rolled a few times, coming to rest against the bars, and turned to find himself across the cage from the king of beasts, who lay across the cage with his head down on one paw. He knew right way that he was in trouble, so he began screaming like an ape and running back and forth along the bars in hopes that someone would rescue him from this situation. No one moved. As he looked again, the lion began to move slowly and stalk him. The lion then growled, curled his upper lip over his teeth, and assumed a position to leap. Just at this moment, the man decided that his family was more important to him than his promise to the owner of the zoo. He looked up and started screaming, 'Help! Help! I'm not really an ape, I'm a man. Get me out of here!' The lion looked at him and said in a loud whisper, 'Hush up, you fool! You'll get us both fired!' leapinlizards, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 One man said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't. Karlston, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 I’m from Italy and was looking for a car, found a great IG handle instead aum, TrojanK, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 Where do Canoes go when they are Sick? To the Dock. ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Anti-Hisstamine... funkyy, ducky88, Akaneharuka and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Three men are stranded in the middle of a forest and they don't know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other two that he is going to get some food. Several hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other two are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weapons. He replies, " I find tracks, I follow tracks, I get deer". They both are slightly confused but let it go. A week later, they needed to get more food. The second guy leaves. He comes back a couple hours later with an elk over his shoulder. The other two asked how he got the elk. He simply replies, "I find tracks, I follow tracks, I got Elk". Five days later, they have eaten the elk so they need more food. The third guy, feeling very cocky, thinks to himself, " This is going to be a piece of cake. The other guys got the other animals so easy. I'm going to get an animal better than theirs put together!". So he leaves to get some food. The other two waited. A couple hours more... he doesn't come back. They wait another couple hours, the cocky one was nowhere in sight. Finally, after nine hours of waiting, they see him coming back. His clothes are torn rags, he is covered in dirt with scrapes and bruises all over his body. He is bleeding from different gashes in his arms and legs along with one on the side of head. "What happened!" He looks at them, wide-eyed and confused, and replies, " I find tracks, I follow tracks, I got hit by train". Karlston and aum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 A politician, an artist, and a statistician are out hunting. -The politician shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. -The artist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. -The statistician yells, “We got ‘em!” Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism. They went over and talked to him. John decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic, which made them all very happy. They took him to church, and the priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lent temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and, just at supper time, when the neighborhood was settling down to their cold tuna fish dinner, the smell of steak cooking on a grill came wafting into their homes. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! What was going on? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 (edited) Edited November 30, 2022 by aum Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 ducky88, TrojanK, funkyy and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Karlston Posted November 30, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted November 30, 2022 Dear Santa! pc71520, ultrahub, ducky88 and 4 others 2 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 Why do Dragons sleep during the Day? So, they can fight Knights... Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted December 1, 2022 Share Posted December 1, 2022 NYC IS HIRING!! aum, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted December 2, 2022 Share Posted December 2, 2022 When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!" Karlston, funkyy and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akaneharuka Posted December 2, 2022 Share Posted December 2, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 2, 2022 Share Posted December 2, 2022 She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on." He: "But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses." She: "True, but I do." Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted December 2, 2022 Share Posted December 2, 2022 An elementary school teacher decides to poll the class on the difficulty of last night's homework assignment: How many people were able to complete the assignment without parents help? About 25% of the class raises their hands. How many people we able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent? About 70% of the class raises their hand. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands. She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment? ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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