pc71520 Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 Why do Birds always Sing in the Morning? Because, they don't have to go for Work. aum, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop. He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach. The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 (edited) Edited November 15, 2022 by aum Karlston and pc71520 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 Karlston 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 ducky88 and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 15, 2022 Share Posted November 15, 2022 Karlston, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names. The elderly lady hung her head. ‘I have to tell you the truth,’ she said, ‘his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I’m scared to death to ask the cranky old a$$$ole what his name is.’ Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce at a grocery store, so she tells the young man at the checkout, “I would like to buy half a head of lettuce.” The young man says, “I’m sorry we only sell whole heads of lettuce.” The old woman says, “Well you see I’m old, and I don’t eat very much, and so when I buy a whole head of lettuce, the other half usually goes to waste. Would you ask your supervisor if there is something he could do?” The young man, rolls his eyes, lets out a sigh, and walks into his supervisors office. “Hey, some dumb old hag wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” His supervisor looks up from his desk and is shocked to see the elderly woman had followed the young man. She’s right behind him at the door and heard what he said. The young man turns around, sees her, realizing his mistake blurts out, “But this beautiful young lady would like to buy the other half of that head of lettuce, so it works out, right?” Everything is worked out, the elderly woman leaves happily, and the supervisor says, “That was close. You’re pretty quick on your feet. Where you from?” The young man says, “Oh, me? I’m from Canada, but I left because it’s just filled with hockey players and prost$tutes.” The supervisor, crosses his arms and says, “Hey, my wife is from Canada!” The young man responds, “Oh that’s wonderful. what team does she play for?” ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 I used to work at the customer service desk pc71520, aum and ducky88 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 Where do Computers go to Dance? At the Disk-o. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 As a kid I used to crawl down the stairs pretending to be spider man ??? As an adult I crawl up the stairs pretending to be sober !!!! funkyy, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATM's filled ?? This is the 5th one I've been to today, that says 'Insufficient Funds !!!!". ducky88, pc71520, funkyy and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 Wife says "its slightly cold and wants the heating on" . I'm quite warm and don't want the heating on !! So we've compromised and put the heating on !!!!! aum, TrojanK, ducky88 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funkyy Posted November 16, 2022 Share Posted November 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, Disco Bob said: Wife says "its slightly cold and wants the heating on" . I'm quite warm and don't want the heating on !! So we've compromised and put the heating on !!!!! OMG, my wife has a clone aum, ducky88, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true I do so enjoy sex!" Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!" Disco Bob, pc71520, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 How do Robots eat Guacamole? With Computer-Chips. Disco Bob, Karlston and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 Two prison inmates were standing in the cafeteria line getting lunch. One inmate said to the other inmate, "When I was governor, the food was much better!" ducky88, vitorio, Karlston and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off !. If you rob it you be out in 10 years ! Follow me for more expert financial advice ducky88, funkyy, Radpop and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 17, 2022 Share Posted November 17, 2022 funkyy, aum, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pc71520 Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 (edited) What did the Light say when it was Turned Off? I am Delighted! Edited November 18, 2022 by pc71520 Disco Bob, Karlston, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both. As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!" funkyy, Karlston, Disco Bob and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 LOL at this email i got today.. scammers will try anything.. look at the name of the antivirus and the price.. DEFENDER SECURITY $599.99 do they really think people are that F******** dumb.. Karlston, ducky88, pc71520 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disco Bob Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 (edited) Doctor said if I have a vasectomy , I wont have any kids !!. So I had the operation , got home and they are still there ffs Edited November 18, 2022 by Disco Bob Karlston, pc71520, funkyy and 3 others 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted November 18, 2022 Share Posted November 18, 2022 51 minutes ago, andy2004 said: LOL at this email i got today.. scammers will try anything.. look at the name of the antivirus and the price.. DEFENDER SECURITY $599.99 do they really think people are that F******** dumb.. That's the classic "Refund scam". Its social engineering is to get you so focussed on getting your money back that you don't think about it being a scam. People should just delete them. This scam is also done with text messages and phone calls. vitorio, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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