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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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andy2004, I know a few people who talk through their colon.:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

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The wedded bliss on dad’s face

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Yep, that's a "dead man walking" expression.:w00t::w00t::w00t:

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A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.


The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'll die for you"


The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?".

 

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Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky.


His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport:
After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he’d have to wait an additional three hours at the airport.


“How come?” His nephew asked.


My plane has been grounded,” Brendan explained.


“Grounded?” The little boy said.


“I didn’t know planes had parents.”

 

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9.jpg

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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

 

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."


"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"


"The guy was your doctor."
 

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On 9/2/2022 at 4:18 PM, funkyy said:

andy2004, I know a few people who talk through their colon.:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

hadnt read or heard the word for a long time, so i had to google it.. and it was the first link that it came up with..

what once i would call an ASS doctor.. now the new meanings i understood.

You remember.. like in the days of old when people used to say the word GAY to mean HAPPY and not BENT / QUEER or FAG.

 

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For five years I diligently made sure I put my hiking socks on the correct feet. Never crossed my mind that I always picked the left one first. Today I realised I had bought large socks.

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My boss made me go into the office on Labor Day.

 

Halfway through the day, he came in to check up on me and caught me having a beer.


He said to me, "You can't drink while you're working."


I said, "Oh, don't worry - I'm not working."

 

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A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.

 

At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.

 

The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
 

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Paddy & his wife were discussing their sex life.
"I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight" he said.
"What the hell is that?" asked his wife.
"You bend over, hands on the floor. I pick your legs up and **** you from behind" said Paddy.
She says, "I'll do it on 2 conditions:

1/ If it hurts you stop straight away, and

2/ You make sure we don't go past my mums house."

 

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A rat swallowed a diamond and the owner of the diamond contracted a man to kill the rat.


When the rat hunter arrived to kill the rat there were more than a thousand rats bunched up altogether and one sitting by itself away from the pack.


He spotted and killed the one sitting by itself and to the owner’s surprise, that was the exact one that had swallowed the diamond!


The amazed diamond owner asked, “How did you know it was that rat?”

 

He responded: “Very easy. When idiots get rich, they don’t mix with others!!!”

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