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[JOTD] Joke of the day


rudrax

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About Corona Virus :-

 

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on. :omg:

Edited by Abacaxi
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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something to make her look sexy.

 

Spoiler

Apparently a carton of beer and a bottle of Scotch isn't what she meant.

 

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A bloke round the corner from me tested positive for Covid-19 last week.
He's been put on one of those Dyson ventilators. His family say he's over the worst and picking up nicely.

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19.jpg

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A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 a.m. By then, he is extremely drunk.

When he gets back to his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs.

Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke, carving up his rear end terribly. But he was so drunk he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he saw some blood. He checked himself out in the mirror and, sure enough, his rear end is cut up something terrible. He repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting and his rear was hurting, and he was lying under the covers trying to think up a good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh!" she replied. "You were plastered last night, and you know it! Where'd you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
 

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25.jpg

 

Actually it's a craptocurrency... :lol:

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In my Sunday school class the focus was marriage or divorce, "The rapidly increasing divorce rate," remarked one member of the group, "indicates that America is indeed becoming the land of the free."


"Yes," replied the prosaic friend, "but the continued marriage rate suggests that America is still the home of the brave."
 

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ABOUT CORONA VIRUS :_

 

 - I don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about Corona virus, he never catches anything...

===========================================================================

- Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!

 

Edited by Abacaxi
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An old fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following:

 

"Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat that you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."

In a short time, he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."
 

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2.jpg

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