Karlston Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 ecsjjgg, ducky88, Archimede and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 8 Share Posted July 8 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 ducky88 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?" aum, funkyy, ecsjjgg and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 ecsjjgg, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 14 Share Posted July 14 A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?' The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, 'then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does. funkyy, ducky88 and ecsjjgg 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesus is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesus is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesus." Karlston, ecsjjgg, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs. Sign outside a new town hall to be opened by the Prince of Wales: The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened. Open tomorrow. Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also. Seen at the side of a Sussex road: Slow cattle crossing, no overtaking for the next 100 yrs. Sign on motorway garage: Please do not smoke near our petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much but our petrol is. Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons. Sign on a repair shop door: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door, the bell doesn't work.) Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: Toilet out of order please use floor below. Karlston, ducky88, ecsjjgg and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 funkyy, ecsjjgg and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 16 Share Posted July 16 ecsjjgg, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 ecsjjgg, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 ecsjjgg, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 ducky88, funkyy and ecsjjgg 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Karlston, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 funkyy, ducky88 and ecsjjgg 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted Tuesday at 09:54 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 09:54 PM funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted Wednesday at 05:22 AM Share Posted Wednesday at 05:22 AM I cannot see, I cannot pee. I cannot chew, I cannot screw. Oh my god what can I do? My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks. No sense of smell, I look like hell. The golden years have come at last. The golden years can kiss my arse. funkyy, Karlston and aum 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted Wednesday at 09:39 PM Share Posted Wednesday at 09:39 PM ecsjjgg, kmr1685, funkyy and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted Friday at 09:37 PM Share Posted Friday at 09:37 PM funkyy and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted Saturday at 10:02 PM Share Posted Saturday at 10:02 PM ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted 22 hours ago Share Posted 22 hours ago A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." ecsjjgg, funkyy and ducky88 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted 22 hours ago Share Posted 22 hours ago A schoolgirl approaches her mother and announces, "Mommy, I know where babies come from!" "And where is that?" her mother asks. "Well, Mommy and Daddy take their clothes off and Daddy's thingy sort of sticks out and Mommy puts it in her mouth and that's how you get babies," she explains. "Oh darling, that's so sweet, but that's not how we get babies," her mother replies, "That's how we get flowers, jewelry, clothes and shoes!" ecsjjgg, ducky88 and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted 22 hours ago Share Posted 22 hours ago Always give 100% at work! Monday - 14% Tuesday: - 26% Wednesday - 42% Thursday - 15% Friday - 3% phen0men4, ducky88, Karlston and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted 22 hours ago Share Posted 22 hours ago All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. ducky88 and funkyy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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