aum Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 Karlston, Homer Simpsom, aum and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 Today I’m doing nothing Because I started doing it yesterday and I wasn’t finished And I’m no quitter! aum, lurch234, funkyy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 What is a Pessimist? The real world dictionary defines a 'pessimist' as an optimist with no experience. Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where did you get them?" Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 The night before one exam, two students tied one on, (well, actually, tied two on, one each), and managed to sleep through the final. They realized they were in serious trouble, so they agreed to tell the professor that they had a flat tire on the way to the exam. "No problem." said the Professor, "Come by my office at 5 P.M. and I'll give you the exam then." Feeling pretty clever, the students spent the intervening time getting information on the exam from students who had already taken it, and making sure they knew how to do the problems. Coming to the professor's office that evening, they were told, "Leave your books in my office, and I'll put you in two separate rooms for the exam." They were both ecstatic to see that the Professor had given them the exact same exam taken by the class that morning. However, there was an additional page tacked on the end, upon which was written, "For 50% of the grade, which tire was flat?" funkyy, Karlston, leapinlizards and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flash13 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 lurch234, Karlston, aum and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 (edited) Two cannibals are taking a stroll in the amazon forest. "Fred" says the first. "I tell you man I just don't know what to do with my wife anymore!" "Don't sweat it George" says the other. I'll lend you my cookbook" When cannibals take a flight. Do they ask for the passenger list when they are hungry? Edited August 24, 2022 by lurch234 aum, funkyy, ducky88 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy2004 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 My aum and Karlston 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 2 hours ago, flash13 said: You never know. People is very creative! funkyy, flash13, aum and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 Dear God, When I get to heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story? Also, are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Thank You God, --- The Dog Karlston and ducky88 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen. One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for “enjoyment of food”. Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them. The manager said, “You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.” The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.” The judge turned to Mike and said, “What do you have to say to that?” The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside. The judge asked him, “What is the meaning of that?” The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin, – “I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.” vitorio, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 Touché! aum 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 An Anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Dormitory: Dirty Room Evangelist: Evil's Agent Desperation: A Rope Ends It The Morse Code: Here Come Dots Slot Machines: Cash Lost in 'em Animosity: Is No Amity Mother-in-law: Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms: Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness: Genuine Class Semolina: Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries: Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point: I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes: That Queer Shake Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one Contradiction: Accord not in it TrojanK, ducky88 and Karlston 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karlston Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 Review on amazon for a reusable notebook… lurch234, andy2004, ducky88 and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurch234 Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 2 hours ago, Karlston said: Review on amazon for a reusable notebook… What I find disturbing is that 403 people found this helpful! ducky88, funkyy and Karlston 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ducky88 Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To the Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.. aum, TrojanK and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dce3480 Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 (edited) Edited August 26, 2022 by Dce3480 Karlston and lurch234 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the night." We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out after that. And I have a feeling that I'm going to get lucky, so you better give me the 12 pack. The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist." ducky88, lurch234 and Karlston 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 The police dispatch picks up the phone and writes down the call for help: “Please send someone urgent, a cat has broken in!” The police dispatcher responded, “Sir, I don’t think I heard you correctly. A cat at your home?” “A cat! He has invaded my house and is walking towards me!” Again the police dispatch tried to correct him, “But how so? You mean a thief?” “No! I’m talking about a fre*king cat, the one that does ‘meow, meow’, and it’s coming my way! You have to come now!” “So what about this cat coming toward you?” the officer replies trying to grasp the situation “He’s going to kill me, now he’s going mental! And you will be the reason I die” “Who is talking?” the officer asks The parrot, you jac**ss! ducky88, Karlston and Homer Simpsom 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 ducky88, Karlston and TrojanK 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 ducky88, funkyy, andy2004 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aum Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 ducky88, Karlston and funkyy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vitorio Posted August 26, 2022 Share Posted August 26, 2022 We need to "understand the meaning of the words and phrases contained within a text in order to fully understand it". lurch234, aum, funkyy and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.