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Funny Sayings!


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collection of Funny Sayings and "Not So Wise" Sayings to enjoy.

- Light a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

- Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for the rest of his life. Teach a man to phish and he’ll clean out your bank account.

- Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

- Nobody is perfect, I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.

- We never see ourselves as the world sees us because love is blind.

- When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.

- Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.

- If life is a box of chocolates, death must be a peanut allergy.

- When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

- If life is a bowl of cherries, why am I stuck with the pits?

- Never forget a friend, especially those who owe you.

- Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

- The 50-50-90 rule – Any time you have a 50:50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% chance you’ll get it wrong.

- You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

- When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

- There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it’s not a train.

- Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

- Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.

- If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

- Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

- Whoever said “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has obviously never tried it.

- I sleep like a baby every night. I wake up every three or four hours and cry.

- If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

- If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know where to shop.

- Money may not buy happiness, but it makes misery easier to live with.

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Very funny! Thanks. :dance2:

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